Almost Everything
by ElizabethMadison424
Summary: What if Ana never got pregnant with Teddy? After 6 wonderful years of marriage, Ana is ready to start a family... Christian isn't. This is a story of longing, loving, wanting, hurting, and eventually happiness. HEA. NO CHEATING. *I do not own these characters. They belong to the talented Mrs E.L. James* Rated M for possible future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! *waving* I have a new story for y'all. This one is a little different from NABS. This story will have more angst. I've had this story rattling around in my head for a while, and it got to the point that it would not shut up. lol Plus, I wanted to push myself to see if I would be able to write something different from NABS.  
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 **If you followed my NABS story, you know that I am a busy Mama, so I don't know how often I will be able to update. I'm going to try to shoot for weekly. Sometimes it may be more often, sometimes it may be I can't update for two weeks... But I will update when I find the time. If I get to a point where I see I won't be able to update in the near future or I'm stuck with a writers block, I will let y'all know.  
I don't know how many chapters this story will have. I do know this story will not be as long as my other story though. Hell, for all I know y'all will hate the first chapter and tell me that this story needs to be canned before it even really begins. I hope not though because I love what I have so far.**

 **I know the beginning, I know snippets of the middle and I know where I eventually want this story to end up. Even with the angst, I do promise this will be a HEA story with NO CHEATING.  
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* * *

I walk in the front door of my and Christian's home and hear the sound of my husband's voice. Even after 6 years of marriage, just the sound of his voice still sends shivers up and down my spine. When we married, I loved him so much I thought there was no way I could love him more... I could not have been more wrong. I love that man so much it hurts. Our life together has been great. I can't say that it has been all smooth sailing because it hasn't, but when you are married to a head strong alpha man, you are bound to butt heads every now and then. However those arguments are few and far between, and never last too long.

But, I know the discussion I am gearing up to have tonight will probably be the biggest argument we have had in years...

When I turn the corner, I see that he is sitting at the breakfast bar talking to Gail as she makes our dinner. When Christian sees me, his eyes light up like they always do when I walk into a room, "Mrs. Grey, I thought I was going to have to drag you out of the office." He joked.

"I know. The new author was running late because her child was sick." I smile up at him as he pulls me to him for a kiss.

 _What I wouldn't give to be late for a meeting because I had to take care of my child... a child with my husband._

"Would you like a glass of wine Ana?" Gail asks from her spot at the sink.

"Yes, please." I smile at her. My sweet Gail, the woman that I have grown to love like a family member.

Wine.. I'll need it, lots of it tonight. I will need all the liquid courage I can muster.

Christian and I talk about our day as he and I eat. He tells me about a problem he is having with a new shipment to Darfur. He and Ros spent most of the day trying to get the details of that shipment ironed out, and he is worried that he may have to field some calls from Ros in his office this evening.

Once we have finished our dinner, I ask, "Honey, will you please join me in the living room? I have something I want to talk with you about."

He gives me a curious look and then stands with his hand extended to help me out of my seat. Always the gentleman. "Come Mrs. Grey."

Making our way to the living room, I go over in my head exactly what I want to say to him. I want a baby. I first brought up this subject around year three of marriage. Christian felt that the timing wasn't right and he wasn't ready to share me yet, so we shelved the talk for another year... and then another... and then another.

I am starting to fear that for my husband the timing will never be right. I don't know what's holding him back. We have done all of the things he and I set out to do. We have traveled the world. I have been to places in the last 6 years I never dreamt of going. I worked my ass of and learned everything I could about the publishing industry, and I am now the CEO of Grey Publishing. And let's face it, being able to provide financially for a child was never the issue.

It seems like everyone around us is creating and building their family. Kate and Elliot have Ava,3 and Faith, 1. Mia and Ethan just welcomed their first child, a son, Alexander, two weeks ago. I know it may sound like jealousy on my part, but it's not. I could not be happier for them. But my heart aches so bad that I physically feel the pain when I see them cuddling and loving on their children. I want that.. I want to be a mother.. I want to carry my and Christian's child within my womb.

Being a wife and mother is something I, like most little girls, have dreamed of for a long as I can remember. I just hope with all my might that Christian will finally agree that it's time. It's not like my biological clock is ticking. I'm only 27, but my womb and heart are aching.

"Earth to Ana." Christian says smiling. I was so lost in thought that I didn't realize I had been sitting on the couch staring into space.

"Sorry." I smile sheepishly.

"Ana, Baby, whatever this is, I can see it's weighing heavy on your mind. Is everything okay?" He asks with a calming smile on his face, as he tucks my hair behind my ear. Even though his smile is it's doing nothing for my nerves.

"Everything is fine, I, um.. just wanted to talk to you about something." I pause and take a calming breath, "I been thinking a lot lately, and well... um, how would you feel about you and I trying for a baby?" I finish with what I hope is a hopeful smile.

The smile he was wearing drops from his face in an instant. "Ana, we have a great marriage, and I like things the way they are for now." He shakes his head, "The timing-"

I cut him off with a raise of my hand, "Christian, please don't give me the 'timing isn't right' excuse. As far as I can see, the timing is perfect. I want to have children! I want to make a family... With you! So please, please, please tell me the real reason you keep putting it off." I'm starting to get worked up, but I don't know if it's because of anger or if it's because of fear... Fear that he keeps putting this off because he doesn't want a family.

With the next words that come out of his mouth, my fears are confirmed. "Ana, I love you, but I don't think I will ever be ready for children."

"What?" I asks breathlessly. I can feel the back of my eyelids start to sting with the threat of tears. I, however do not want to cry because I don't want Christian to feel I'm trying to manipulate him with tears. I'm not that kind of woman. I would never use tears to try and get my way with Christian.

"I'm sorry, but I can't see myself as a father, Ana... ever."

"Why? Why, Christian? When we were first married you told me that you wanted children at some point in our future. Did you lie to me? Did you ever see yourself having children, or is it a lie you told me so that I had incentive not to leave?" If I wasn't only twenty seven, I would swear I was having a heart attack right now. The weight and crushing feeling I have on my chest it like nothing I ever felt. Even the hours years ago when Christian was missing after Charlie Tango went down. I had hope back then that my man was going to walk through the door of our apartment. Now... Now I feel like all hopes I have ever had of being a mother were crushed.

Crushed by the man that I promised the rest of my life to 6 years ago.

"I didn't lie to you Ana. I thought back then that I would eventually come around to the idea of children. But the more time I've had to think on it, the more I realize that I am not father material. I am not going to risk the chance of passing on the fucked up genes I have thanks to my crack whore of a birthmother and whichever John of hers that was my sperm donor. Face it Ana, I am not father material. I wish I was the type of man that could you children, but I'm not. I can see the hurt in your beautiful blue eyes baby, and I am so sorry I caused that hurt." He lowers his voice to barely a whisper, "This, being a father, this is something I don't think I can do."

I shake my head in disbelief, "I.. um, don't now what to say. You have never told me you felt this way." I'm about to say more when Taylor walks in.

"Mr. Grey, I'm sorry to interrupt, but there is a situation. The Darfur shipment has been hijacked." Taylor states.

"Pull the car around and call Ros and Welch. Tell them to meet me at Grey House within the hour." Christian replies.

He stands and pulls me up into his arms. "I'm sorry, baby, but I have to see to this. Just know that I love you more than you will ever know." He kisses me. "We will finish this when I get home tonight."

When I hear the front door shut and I know that he is gone, then and only then do I allow myself to cry. I cry for the children that Christian and I are never going to have. I cry for the decision my husband made without even talking with me... and, finally I cry for the man who is in many ways still a lost little boy.

Once I am finally all cried out, I make my way to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine so I can drink it while I soak in a tub of hot, bubbly water. Gail is still in there cleaning up from dinner. I know by the sad look in her eyes that she heard Christian and me talking. She doesn't say anything, she just reaches out and gives my hand a supporting squeeze as I walk by. This one little simple gesture makes the tears that I thought were gone being to flow again.

Christian and I didn't finish our talk that night. By the time he arrived back home, it was already after midnight and I was asleep.. or at least I pretended to be. To be honest, I just did not have the strength emotionally, or physical to continue the disastrous discussion. When he came to bed, I lay on my side facing away from him. He called my name a few times, but I said nothing. He eventually pulled me into his arms and whispered softly into my hair, "I'm so, so sorry Ana. I love you so much, and I want nothing more than to give you everything you want. I just don't know how I can give you this."

He thought I was asleep, but I wasn't. I didn't sleep at all the night. With the thoughts running through my head it was impossible. Will I be able to live the rest of my life without fulfilling my dream of becoming a mother? Will I be able to look at the man that I love and not resent the fact that he took this away from me... from us? And God forbid, if I did resent him, would I be able to walk away from this marriage? Would I be able to live my life without the man that is currently holding me as if he didn't I'd vanish in to thin air? Would I be able to breathe without this man?

When the clock hits 5 am, I know that there is no use to stay in bed. I quietly slip out of our bed and make my way to the bathroom. Once I've showered and dressed for the day I tip toe out of the bedroom so I wouldn't wake Christian. Before I close to door behind me, I looked back and watched my husband curled around my pillow, sleeping. What am I going to do? I stand in the doorway watching him for I don't know how long. It could seconds, minutes, or hours. Images of us over the past 6 years run though my head like a movie reel. And that's when it hits me... I know what I have to do. I know what my decision will have to be. No matter how bad that decision is going to hurt me. _And God does it hurt!_

"Good morning, Gail." I say when I walk into the kitchen. "You're here early."

She turns to give me a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Good morning Ana. I'm here early so I can get an early start. I wanted to be sure I was able to make you your favorites this morning. You need some comfort food, sweet girl."

Her kind words bring tears to my eyes, but I tilt my head back so they wont spill over. "Thank you Gail." I finally choke out once I am able to swallow around the ball that is in my throat.

She goes about making breakfast as I go to my office to make sure I have everything in my bag that I will need for work today. While in here, I also sit at my desk to check a few emails while I drink my tea.

My plan for today.. throw myself into my work to keep my mind off of my home life... That's my plan for today at least. One day at a time, right? And my plan for my husband... Smile and fake it until I make it. Because the more I think about all of this, the more sure I am Christian will never change his mind. He is the type of man that when he sets his mind to something, it would be nearly impossible to change it.

If I want my husband and my marriage, I will have to give up my dream...

When I get back to the kitchen, I find Christian at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee in his hand. He turns his head when he hears me approach. "Good morning, Mrs. Grey." His smooth voice says. The uneasy smile on his face tells me that he isn't sure how this morning is going to go either.

"Morning handsome." I say and give him a kiss.

"Are you okay? Did you sleep well last night?" He asks.

I smile and lie, "Yes." _Fake it until you make it. I have a feeling this is going to become my new mantra._

"I woke this morning without you in my arms." He states.

"I had a lot of work to get to today. I woke early and since I was already awake, I decided to get a head start on my emails." I lie again.

He looks at me for a few beats. I know he looking to see if he can judge if I'm being truthful. But one of the many things I have learned from my dear husband over the past 6 years is how to have a good poker face.

He reaches out and pulls me to him by my waist, "Do you know how much I love and cherish you?" He mummers into the crook of my neck.

"I do know that, Christian." I state truthfully. And I do, I do know he loves me even though he refuses to even be open about the idea of children.

"I hate to rush off," He sighs and rubs a hand through his hair, "but I need to get to the office. There is a lot of shit going on with our shipments and Ros, Welch and I need to get the security situated. We lost over two hundred thousand in goods last night when that shipment was high jacked."

"Was any one hurt?" I asked, concerned.

"Thankfully no, but if we don't get a handle on this I fear someone will end up hurt." He stands and gives me a long, loving kiss. "I'll see you this evening." And with that, he is out the door.

He didn't mention any more about the talk we were supposed to finish last night. But I guess now that I have made my decision there is no need to have that talk now. We could talk and I could plead until I was blue in the face, but nothing would change. His answer would still be no.

* * *

I got in to the office super early this morning due to the fact that I left the house soon after Christian did. Even though it's already Wednesday, today feels like a Monday. I tried... really tried to throw myself into my work, but I can't get my mind to concentrate. I keep going back to last night and picturing the look on Christian's face when I told him I was ready to start a family. Now that I think back on it and can look at it without my shock clouding my vision, I can see the look on his face looked a lot like fear.

My cell phone rings a little after ten. I look at the screen to that it's Christian calling.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hey, baby. I know this is sort of last minute, but I need to deal with this shipment problem in person. Taylor and I will be flying out to New Orleans in the hour. Seems our shipyard there is where our initial problem stems from."

He has to leave. Today. I take a deep breath so he wont be able to hear the unease in my voice. "When will you be home?"

"This shouldn't take but a day or two. I will be home Saturday morning at the latest."

Even though I hate when he is gone, in some ways this will be good. It will give me a few days to get my emotions in check, so maybe... maybe by the time he returns, I will be over the hurt and ready to move on with our life.

"Okay. You be careful. Call me or send me a quick text when you land. I love you."

I hear him release a sigh, "I love you too, Anastasia. So fucking much. I'll call you."

As soon as Christian and I hang up my phone rings again. Thinking it's Christian again, I answer without looking at the screen.

"Did you forget something, Baby?" I ask when I answer.

"Ana?" Mia replies.

"Oh Mia, I thought you were your brother." I giggle.

"I got that when you called me baby." She laughs.

"Sorry. What's up. How is the little guy?"

"Little Alex is doing so good. Actually that's why I'm calling. He can't wait to hang with his family, so Ethan and I are hosting a little barbeque at our house Saturday evening, and we would love for everyone to come."

"We wouldn't miss it. Christian is leaving today for a last minute trip, but he should be back in time."

"Goodie. See you then." She says just before she's gone.

Three days... I have three days to prepare myself so I can cuddle and love on my nieces and new nephew without having a breakdown.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for all of the amamzing reviews**! **Some of you are super pissed with Christian and with good reason. Hopefully by the end of this story he will have redeemed himself in your eyes. Happy reading! :)**

It's Saturday and I am in the kitchen getting the potato salad ready to take to Mia and Ethan's later on. She told me countless times that I didn't need to bring anything, but I would feel right with her doing all the cooking when she has a new baby. Not only am I bringing the potato salad, I'm also bringing a few other side dishes and peach cobbler for dessert.

Christian ended up having to stay longer than he expected in New Orleans, and due to weather his plane will be even later getting in. He called early this morning before take off and said that he would be in around three. That will give him just enough time to shower and dress for Mia and Ethan's.

I check the time and see that it's almost two, so I quickly finish what I'm working on and head up stairs to get a shower. I want to have my makeup on before Christian gets home. I just hope my concealer will do it's job and cover up the dark circles that I'm sporting under my eyes.

Sleep has not been my friend these past few nights. I didn't sleep at all the last night Christian was here, and in the three nights since I have probably gotten a grand total of around 10 hours. The rest of the time I spent working, reading, watching crap TV... doing anything and everything to take my mind off of the hurt. The times I did sleep, my sleep was plagued with dreams. They weren't bad dreams, but I think I would have preferred the bad nightmares over the visions of me with a round belly. Christian with his head in my lap, reading to our unborn child. Me sitting on The Grace watching Christian teach our son all about sailing. Christian leaning against the door of a nursery as I rock our daughter to sleep.

Yes, all of those were wonderful dreams, but the crushing feeling I felt when I'd wake only to realize that it was just a dream... nothing more. It was like my heart was breaking all over again.

* * *

Standing in the shower, I look down and watch the rivets of water drop from my breast and roll down my flat stomach. A stomach that I have had to stop myself from fantasizing about growing round with child. I really need to snap out of this before Christian returns home. I don't need to rub his fears in his face by letting him see me so upset.

"This shit is not working," I mummer to myself as I sit in front of the mirror. I am trying to apply the concealer, but either I don't know what in the hell I am doing -(which is a definite possibility since I don't wear a lot of make up)- or the dark circles under my eyes are just too dark to cover. _Whatever_. I toss the tube back in the drawer and go to the closet to put on my clothes. Since it's a casual cookout, I'm going to wear shorts ad a cute tank top.

I'm just pulling on my top when I hear the front door open. Christian's home. Even though I am still upset about the whole baby thing, I still feel the butterflies in my stomach and I don't waste a second rushing down the stairs to welcome my husband home.

We meet just as he is about to come up the stairs. I take a flying leap into his arms and wrap my legs and arms around him.

"I missed you." I tell him

"Missed you too, Baby. So fucking much!" He hugs me back just as hard as I am hugging him.

He pulls back a few inches to kiss me... and boy does he kiss me. There is something more to that kiss that an 'I missed you'. This kiss feels more like desperation. Finally he stops the kiss with a few lingering nibbles.

After we stand there for a while, I finally loosen my hold and mummer, "You need to shower, honey. We don't want to be late getting to your sisters. I made a few dishes that need to be finished up at Mia's before they can be served."

"Okay, Baby." He whispers as he lets me slide down his body. He takes my face in his hands to go in for another kiss, but stops inches away from my face, and I feel the tension that was already in his body intensify. "What are these, Anastasia?" He asks and rubs the pads of his thumbs under my eyes. "Did you not sleep well while I was away? Are you sick?"

"You know I never sleep well when you are not here with me." I reply truthfully. I am never able to sleep all that well when Christian has to take business trips.

"We can cancel with Mia and Ethan and you and I can go crawl in bed. Let me give you a proper hello" He gives me one of his sexy winks, making me giggle, "and then we can sleep."

"Ha! No way Mr. Grey. I have already promised your sister we would be there. And as good as an evening and night in bed with my man sounds, I have a new baby to cuddle and spoil."

And just like that, it all comes rushing back to me. The reason I haven't been sleeping. The reason I've been feeling like my world has been turned upside down. Christian's homecoming distracted me for a few minutes, but all it took was one little mention of a baby and the hurt comes rushing back in.

Christian must notice the change too because he reaches out for my hand. "Ana-"

"Go get your shower and I need to go check the food to make sure it's all ready to go." I cut him off before he can say anything more. I don't even give him a chance to respond before I turn around and walk away. Childish? Maybe. But I will not be able to keep ahold of my emotions in if he starts telling me once again how sorry he is.

After Christian and I loaded the food up in his Audi SUV, we drove to Mia and Ethan's in silence. Not a word was spoken. I did notice a few times Christian would look over at me like he wanted to say something, but he never spoke. He just held on to my left hand like he was afraid to let it go.

When we arrive, I see that everyone is here. I'm sure Grace and Carrick were probably one of the first to arrive. That is if they were able to beat Kate and Ethan's parents here. I have never seen two sets of grandparents more devoted to their grandchildren.

I'm starting to unload the food when Christian grabs me by the arm, "Ana, are we okay?"

Do I respond to him truthfully or lie? If I tell him the truth he will no doubt hover over me tonight, trying to make things right. But, if I lie to him, it wouldn't be fair to either of us. Really, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm about to respond truthfully when the front door opens and Ethan walks out.

"Need some help with that stuff?" He calls out.

I turn to him, causing my arm to fall from Christian's grasp. "That would be great, Ethan. How are you? How are you adjusting to the life of a father?"

His welcoming grin turns into a full blown smile at the mention of him becoming a father. "I'm good... Great actually. I didn't know I could be this happy over a tiny human that only eats, shits and sleeps." He laughs.

I give him back a fake laugh that I can only pray sounds convincing. When I look back at Christian I see that I may have fooled Ethan, but I did not fool my husband.

"The ladies are in the kitchen and the guys are on the back patio at the grill." Ethan tell us as we enter the house.

After putting all of the food in the kitchen, and greeting his mom, sister, Kate and Kate's mom,, Christian joins the men outside. I stay in the kitchen to chat with the women and heat up the dishes that I brought.

"How have you been, Ana?" Grace asks as she wraps me in a warm hug.

"I'm good, Grace." I smile at her. I love this woman. I could not have wished for a better, more loving mother in law.

She grabs my face with both of her hands and looks at me... really looks at me. "Ana, Darling, have you not been sleeping? Have you been ill?" She asks, sounding so much like her youngest son.

"I'm fine. I've had a lot going on at work lately. Plus with Christian being gone for the past few nights, it's always hard for me to sleep when he isn't with me." I feel like such an ass for lying to Grace. But what am I supposed to do? Tell her that her son revealed that he doesn't want children... And decided to tell me this fact after 6 years of getting my hopes up...

She smiles at me and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek just before she whispers in my ear. "I'm here if you need to talk sweet girl."

She knows.. Grace knows I just lied to her face. She may not know what it is that I lied about, but she knows wasn't being truthful. Thankfully she drops it when I nod my head.

The next hour is spent talking and playing with Ava and Faith. I am patiently waiting for baby Alex to wake up so I can get my hands on him. This will be the first time I've seen him since I visited the hospital the day he was born.

So far I'm holding up well. No sign of the feared breakdown. It helps that I have not had a minute for my mind to wander because the conversation never stalls with all the women in the kitchen. Mia is talking about her guilty obsession of cheesy reality shows; Kate is keeping us entertained with the latest hot stories in the media; Grace fills us in on the latest adventures of her parents; Kate's Mom, Tina, talks about the new line of swimsuits she is carrying in her boutiques. Me... Well, I'm keeping quiet and listening to everyone. No one seems to notice. No one... but Grace. I have seen her watching me a few times. When I meet her eyes, she gives me a small smile.

It's not long before we hear small grunts and baby cries coming through the baby monitor Mia has sitting on the table.

Mia jumps from her seat. "It sounds like someone's ready to eat. I'm going to grab him. Mom, can you please heat up one of the bags of breast milk I have in the refrigerator, please. I'll be back after I change his diaper."

"She's really taken to being a mother well." Tina remarks to which Kate and Grace agree.

* * *

"How's that bottle coming along" Mia asks when she reenters the kitchen.

"It's almost ready." Grace tells her.

Before I even register what 'm doing, I stand and make my way to Mia. "May I feed him?" I ask, holding my arms out for him.

"Not at all." She hands him to me. He is such a beautiful baby. Even this small, you can see that he favors Ethan a lot, but he has Mia's dark hair.

"He's beautiful Mia." I tell her, and as hard as I tried I couldn't keep the melancholy out of my voice.

"Is everything okay, Ana?" Kate asks.

"Yeah," I say a little more up beat than necessary.

She looks at me with suspicion. "Okay, if you're sure."

"So Ana, you and Christian have been married for years now. When are you two going to start adding to your family?" Tina asks. "With your and Christian's genes, imagine how gorgeous your children will be!" She gushes.

"Um,..." How in the hell do I answer this question with everything that's going on. I look up to see Kate, Mia and Grace looking at me expectantly. "Um, I don't think children are in our future." I tell them and feel that now familiar ball of emotion begin the clog my throat.

"What? Why?" Kate asks. _Nosey as ever_. "You have always wanted children. What's changed?" Her eyes suddenly get large, "Oh, no! Ana is something wrong? Can you not get pregnant?" Even though the questions are invasive, I can hear the concern in her voice.

I shake my head, "It's nothing like that. I'm perfectly healthy as far as I know." I lower my gaze to the floor. I don't want to see their reactions when I reveal the reason for Christian and me not having children. "Um, Christian doesn't want children."

"Ana-" Grace starts.

"No, it's okay." I lie.

"No, it isn't." She replies sadly.

I take a deep breath, "No, it's not, but it will be. I have no other choice but for it to be okay."

Grace silently takes Alex and hands him to a teary eyed Mia. Taking my hand, she leads me to the hallway bathroom and closes the door. Grace wraps me in a tight, loving hug.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I never knew Christian didn't want children. But you're wrong... You do have a choice." Even though I know what she's saying, I still cant believe that Grace is suggesting that leaving Christian is even an option. "Honey, even though our situations are very different, I know the pain of not being able to have children. No one should take away a woman's right or desire to be a mother. I love my son with everything I have, but unless it was discussed and a mutual decision, he should not get to choose for you."

"But I love him so much Grace. I could not picture my life without him..." I trail off.

"But? I sense a but." Grace states.

"But,... I hurt down to my soul knowing that I will never be a mother." I state, sadly.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but has he given you a reason for not wanting kids. I know my son can be rather hard on himself at times."

"Just that he doesn't want to risk passing on the genes of his biological parents to a child, and that he isn't father material" No way am I going to tell Grace about him thinking that he is too fucked up to be a father. She'll ask questions that I do not want to give her the answers to. She knows about what Christian went through with Elena, but she doesn't know that he continued that lifestyle for years after.

"Have you suggested that he should maybe call Dr. Flynn?" She asks while stroking my hair. Both of us have tears falling down our face.

"Not yet, but that is a good idea." I say with a small spark of hope in my gut. Christian hasn't seen Flynn in a professional sense in a few years. Maybe talking with Flynn can help ease his fears.

Grace and I spend a few more minutes in the bathroom trying to get our emotions in check and washing our face before we go back out to the kitchen. When we get there I see that the men have now joined the women. Mia and Kate are busy getting the food on the table and Carrick now has Alex.

Christian is eyeing his mother and I suspiciously as he walks toward us. When he gets to my side he rubs the pad of his thumb under my eye much like he did earlier. "You've been crying." He states quietly.

Before I can respond, Ethan calls out from the dining room. "Dinner's ready. Let's eat."

At the dinner table I somehow ended up with baby Alex in my arms once again. Not that I minded. Babies smell too good. I feel eyes on me, so I look up to see all of the women.. and my husband watching me.

"Would you like me to take him Ana?" Mia asks, knowingly.

I shake my head and smile down at Alex as he puckers his tiny pink lips. "No, I have him. I need to get my baby cuddles in."

We have almost finished our meal when Ava announces that she needs cake causing everyone to laugh. The loud rumbles of laugher startle Alex and cause him to scrunch up his face just before he lets out a small cry. Before he can get too upset, I place his pacifier in his mouth and bring him up to my shoulder so that I can pat him on his little baby bottom in a soothing manner.

"You're good with him Ana." Ethan says. "Usually once he gets going, it takes an act of congress to cool him down. He has his mother's attitude." He jokes and Mia slaps his chest playfully.

"Ana has always been good with babies." Kate speaks up and I see her throw a glace Christian's way. _No, no ,no! I know you are trying to help, but don't do this Kate!_ "Even when were in college, she would babysit to make extra cash. The kids loved her. I know my girls think Aunt Ana is the best, right Ava?"

"Yep, I lubs Aunt Ana Banana." Ava says using the nickname her dad uses for me.

"I love you too, sweet girl." I smile at her as she shoves another bite of cobbler in her mouth.

"Nothing better than grandchildren, huh Carrick?" Kate's dad, Steven speaks up.

Carrick nods his head in agreement, "I love having all these babies around."

"Well, speaking of..." Elliott begins to say, and I see Kate out of the corner of my eye trying to get his attention. Elliott must not notice because he keeps right on talking. "Kate and I would like to announce that we are expecting again."

Everyone around the table offers them congratulations. Even though it feels like I have been punched in the gut, I somehow find my voice and offer them my congratulations and tell them I'm happy for them. And I am happy for them. I'm just sad for me. But I refuse to let my hurt bleed into their joyous announcement.

When I glance around, I see two pair of eyes on me. Grace and Christian. They are both watching me... I put on a brave, but fake smile and turn my attention back to the squirmy baby in my arms. After everyone has settled from the news, I think that the storm of the night has passed... That is until Elliott speaks again.

"You know little brother, Mia and I have given Mom and Dad three, about to be four grandchildren. It's time for you and Ana Banana to start contributing too. Look at how perfect my sister in law looks with a bundle of joy in her arms." He takes a look at me and then a huge smile spreads across his face like he's figured something out. "You know Ana Banana, you are looking a little tired. Is there something you and my brother would like to share? You already have a bun in the oven, huh, Chris?"

And there it is.. I can't breathe. As hard as I try I can't pull in enough air to fill my lungs. I stand so quickly my chair tumbles backwards and hit the floor with a loud thud. I'm not sure who, but someone takes Alex from me.

"I'm sorry." I mumble. "Um, I'm not feeling well. I.. I need to leave." I don't even look up to see anyone's face. I fumble my way out the door and let the fresh air help to calm my breathing as I walk to the SUV. It isn't long before Christian joins me.

"Ana?" He looks worried.

"Not now Christian." I snap. I need to use the car ride home to get my head straight. And then... Then he and I are going to have this long over due talk. All I know right now is that I can't keep going on like this. Either he sees Flynn to get over his irrational fear, -(And yes, I believe it's irrational because I know with everything I am that Christian would make a wonderful father)- or I have to do something that I never in my life saw myself doing. I just can't live with this type of pain for the rest of my life.


	3. Chapter 3

Walking in the house, I feel like a ticking time bomb about to go off. This storm has been building inside me for days and now I feel like I'm about to blow. Christian is quietly watching me as I pace the living room floor. I know he wants to say something, but in all honesty, he looks terrified... As he should, because according to how this conversation plays out tonight, it could be a game changer for us. And God does that scare the crap out of me!

"We need to talk." I mutter.

"Okay. Is this about the discussion we had the other night?" He takes a seat on the couch, grabbing my arm and pulling me down with him.

"Partly." I nod my head. "It's no secret that I want children. You have always known that I eventually wanted kids some day."

"Ana, baby, I know you want children. I want so bad to give you everything your heart desires..." He pauses.

"But?" I urge him to continue.

He shakes his head and the look in his eyes are full of fear and pain. "I can't Ana. I just c-can't" His voice breaks on the last word, causing my heart to skip a beat. God, it hurts to see him upset like this. He's hurting, too. I know he is! Why in the hell won't he just fight past the his fears? For me.. _For us_?

"Christian, I can see that you're scared. Talk to me. Talk to John Flynn. Just talk to someone. I love you so much, and I want more than anything to make a child with you."

"Ana, you know about my past. No amount of talking will help me." He looks at me with sad eyes. "Trust me, this is killing me just as much as it is you."

"Obliviously not or you would agree to get help... You would agree to talk to Flynn... You would try everything possible to get past this." The tears that I am trying so hard to hold back are starting to burn the back of my eyes. "When did you start feeling this way? When did you decided that you didn't want kids... That you would take away my right to be a mother?"

"I'm not sure. I can't really pin point the exact time, but it was somewhere during the time that Ava arrived. Seeing Elliott and how good of a father he is really got me thinking. He and I are completely different. How can I ever measure up to that if I'm already so fucked up?"

"What?" I ask in a quiet rage. "You know what's FUCKED UP CHRISTIAN? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK IS REALLY FUCKED UP? HUH? WHAT'S FUCKED UP IS LYING TO YOUR WIFE BY TELLING HER THAT YOU WOULD GIVE HER A FAMILY ONE DAY! WHAT'S FUCKED UP IS GIVING YOUR WIFE FALSE HOPE FOR 6 FUCKING YEARS! WHAT'S FUCKED UP IS YOUR WIFE HAVING TO WAIT AND WAIT FOR HER CHANCE.. HER TURN TO BE THE ONE GETTING TO ANNOUCE THAT SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE EXPECTING, ALL THE WHILE SITTING BACK AND WATCHING TIME AND TIME AGAIN AS THE ONES DEAREST TO HER MADE THEIR ANNOUNCMENTS! SO, NO, CHRISTIAN! YOU ARE NOT FUCKED UP, BUT YOUR WAY OF THINKING SURE AS HELL IS! AND YOU NEED TO FIX THAT SHIT!"

I don't think I have ever been as angry or hurt as I am right now. I know for a fact that I have never yelled at Christian like I am doing right now. He is looking at me in stunned silence. I probably look like a lunatic. When I feel a tear drip from my chin, I know that at some point during my screaming rant I must have started to cry. For me, angry tears are much worse than sad tears because they can be perceived as a weakness or manipulative. Two things I am not.

Apparently now that the flood gates have opened, I can't stop. I keep talking, but this time at a quieter volume.. almost a strangled whisper. "You love me, I know you do. C-can't you s-see? Can't you see w-what this is doing to me? Do y-you even know the pain I felt t-tonight when Elliot and Kate announced they were expecting again? Do you know the bitter sweet hurt I feel when I'm holding Alex or playing with Ava and Faith?"

" I know, baby. I saw the pain in your eyes. I see it all the time when we are around the family." He says in a regretful tone.

"Yeah, you see the pain that was on the o-outside. You can't even b-begin to imagine the pain I feel on the inside." I shake my head and try to calm myself. "When Kate and Elliott made their announcement tonight, do you want to know that that felt like?" I ask, but I don't wait for a response. "It felt like someone had physically kicked me in the stomach. It felt like one hundred pound weight on my chest. It felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn't breathe... I C-COULDN'T CATCH MY FUCKING B-BREATH, CHRISTIAN!"

"I don't know what to say here, Baby." He's at a loss for words while I for some reason can't shut my mouth.

"You said that you started feeling this way around the time Ava was born?" I ask and he nods his head. "So tell me, in the past three years did you ever think that this new decision you made about _OUR_ lives was something that I.. Your wife should know? Did you think that I should have at least had a little input about such a major decision."

"Yes, Ana, yes, I knew I was being a selfish bastard, but I reasoned by telling myself that you were happy with our marriage... So happy that you wouldn't want more. But hindsight is 20/20. I see now that I chose wrong by not talking to you. But also, I wanted to avoid this!" He motions toward me, "I wanted to avoid seeing you hurt because of me... Again!"

"So that's it? You won't even entertain the idea of talking with Flynn? You won't even try to compromise?"

He stayed silent...

"Because I am more than willing to compromise. If you are so concerned about passing on your biological parent's genes, I am more than willing to talk about adoption. We can adopt." I say the last part with ever ounce of hope I have left in my body.

He looks up at me with sad eyes and I know.. I know before he even say anything what he is going to say. "It's more than just passing on my fucked up genes, Ana, and you know it."

"NO!" I shakes my head and I know my eyes are wet and wild. "No, I don't know Christian! I don't know anything anymore. Right now, what I thought I new is a lie." I jab my finger in my chest hard. "I feel like I've been living a lie for the last three years!"

Again he is silent...

"So what now?" I ball my fist and prepare myself for what I'm about to say. "I feel like I'm in a no win situation. I love you, Christian. I love you more than you will ever know, but I can't give up my dream of being a mother."

"What?!" He shoots up in a panic. "What are you saying, Baby?"

"I... I'm saying that if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to do your part. I've don my part. I tried, I really tried to do things your way. But, not anymore Christian. The next step as to where we go is up to you. For now, I think I'm going to take some time off of work and go spend some time with my dad. And while I'm gone, you need to figure out what you want. What's important to you."

"No! No, no, no, Ana! You can't leave me!" He starts pacing and running both hands through his hair. "Please Ana! Please do not leave me!" He stops in front of me and that's when I see the tears pooling in his eyes. "You promised." He whispers. "You prom-mised me years ago that you wouldn't leave me."

"Promises run both ways, Christian." I say equaling his whisper. "You may have not said the word 'promise', but as my husband I trust you and your word means everything to me. You told me years ago that you one day wanted children. I took your words and trusted them... trusted you to tell me the truth."

"I'll do it, Baby! I will do anything. I will talk to Flynn. We can have children. Just don't leave me...please, don't leave me!"

I walk up to him and place my hand on his now wet, tear stained cheek. "Christian, you are saying all of the things I want to hear. But if I gave in right now, I would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would always wonder if the only reason you agreed was to keep me. I would always be afraid that you would end up resenting me and our child because you felt this was a choice you were forced to make." The pure terror I see on his face hurts me.

"Please" He chokes out on another whisper.

I reach up on my tippy toes and place a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. "You need to think about what you are saying. If you are really willing to try, then talk to Flynn. Do what ever you need to get the help you need. Use this time that we are apart work on you. While I'm away, I'm going to do the same." I give a long hug before backing up and looking him in the eyes. "Since it's late, I'm going to wait until the morning to go to my dad's. Do, um, would you like me to sleep in a guest room for tonight?"

"No," he wipes the tears from his cheeks with the palm of his hands, "If tonight is the last night that I have you, I want you in our bed. I need to h-hold you one last time."

"Don't do that, don't make it sound so final. Now that you have said that you are willing to talk to someone about the way you are feeling, I have every confidence in the world that you and I are going to make it. This is just a bump in the road for us. All marriages have them. I just think a little time away will help me clear my head. It's not forever Christian, only a few days."

"You have that much faith in me?" He questions. _Always believing the worst in himself. Oh, Fifty_...

"Without a doubt. You, Christian Grey, have overcame so much in your life. You've got this. And, if you need me, I'm only a phone call away."

After Christian and I stand holding each other for what seems like hours, he wordlessly takes my hand and leads me up the stairs to our bedroom. He still doesn't speak as he undresses both of us and dresses me for bed in one of his white tee shirts.

That night we lie in each others arms. Chest to chest, our legs vined together. As the dawn breaks the early morning sky we both are still awake, but not one word has been spoken by either of us the entire night.

When the clock reads six a.m., I start to get out of bed and Christian holds me tighter. "Do you really want to go?" His voice is rough and horse, but I know it's not from sleep.

"No, I don't _want_ to go, but I feel like it's something I _need_ to do. Like I said last night, I need this time, if only for a few days to get my head straight." To need and to want are two completely different things. I would never _want_ to leave for any reason.

I feel him nod his head and reluctantly loosen his grip so I can get up. After brushing my teeth, showering and getting dressed, I begin to pack a small bag for my Dad's. I'm only going to be gone a few days so I pack a few jeans, tank tops and grab the shirt off the floor that Christian was wearing yesterday for my sleepwear. These next few nights are going to be torture for me.

When I make it down stairs, Sawyer is there to take my bag. "I'll be in the car waiting on you, Ana." He tells me before turning to leave the room.

I look over to the kitchen to see Christian at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee in front of him, and his head in his hands. When I walk closer, I see that he has prepared me a breakfast of yogurt, granola, and fresh fruit. I also see that he has made me a cup of tea.

When he hears me approach, he looks up. "I made you something to eat before you left. Please eat so that I know that you wont be hungry."

I nod in agreement and sit on the stool beside him. I eat my food, not really tasting it. But, I know wasted food is still something my Fifty has issues with, so I make sure I finish everything.

"Thank you for that." I say as I stand and take my dishes to the sink. The entire time I am rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, I can feel Christian's eyes burning into my back. When I turn to face him, I see the tears are once again in his eyes.

"Don't go." He pleads on a whisper that almost has me giving... Almost.

"I need some time to clear my head, Christian."

"I'll take some time off of work. I can take you somewhere. Anywhere you want to go." He pleads more.

"Christian, I need this and so do you. While I take this time to clear my head, you take this time to see where your heads at."

He spins his phone that is on the counter, and watches it as it goes round and round. "I've called Flynn. He didn't pick up so I left him a voicemail." He looks up and meets my eyes. "I want you to know that the stuff I said last night was not just said in the heat of the moment... well, it was said in the heat of the moment, but I meant it. I meant every word I said. The possibility of losing you scares the fuck out of me, so I'm not going to let that happen. I know I have shit to work out, and I will. For you Anastasia, I will." He lets out a pained, humorless laugh, "It's not that I don't want kids with you, Ana. I'm just so fucking terrified."

"I know." I know that he is scared. And I also know how hard that was for him to admit. Christian Grey does not like to show weakness, and admitting that he is terrified of something is a weakness to him.

I walk to him and he stands just as I reach him. He takes me in his arms and kisses me. He kisses me until I can't breathe and when he lets up, I have to gasp to get air into my lungs. "I love you, Christian." I assure him.

"I love you more, Anastasia." He presses his forehead into my and squeezes his eyes shut.

"I'll be home soon." I whisper and he nods. "We both need this little break." I state and he nods his head again.

He takes my hand and walks me to the car that Sawyer has pulled up to the front door. After another breathtaking kiss, he helps me into the car and shuts the door. I watch out the back glass as he stands on the steps and watches the car drive up the driveway. Only when I can see him anymore do I turn around in my seat.

I pick up my phone and dial Ray's number.

"Good morning, Annie!" He answers on the second ring.

"Da-Daddy." My voice breaks as I say his name.

"Annie? What wrong?" His voice is suddenly more alert.

"I'm on my way to your house for a few days if that is okay."

"What happened?" He asks in a brisk tone.

"Daddy" I say his name in the way I used to when I didn't want to talk about something.

"Okay, okay, I get it Annie. No more questions. And, you don't even have to ask if it's okay to come stay with your old man. My door is and will always be open to you, Baby girl." God, I love this man.

"Um, Sawyer is coming too." I say, knowing without even asking that Sawyer is planning on staying. I know my husband, and he would never let me be without security.

"Not a problem. I'll have the guest room ready and waiting for him. How about a big pot of my chicken and dumplings for dinner tonight?" He asks.

"Sounds good, Daddy." Comfort food is what I need and my Dad's chicken and dumplings are about as comforting as it gets.

I must have dozed off on the drive because I come to when the car slows and I hear gravel crunching under the tires. I rub my eyes and look up to see my Daddy on the front porch of his small cabin style home. When I get out of the car, I take off running and don't stop until I'm in Raymond Steele's arms.

At times like these, most women would run to their mothers, but not me. I need my Daddy. Christian has always joked about me being a Daddy's girl and in this moment, I realize just how true those words are.

* * *

 **I promise that they won't be apart too long. This is just their little bump in the road, and I swear things are going to start smoothing out for them very soon.**

 **Thank you for all of the reviews. I read each and every one. And, thank you to the ones who have followed and favorited AE. (Is favorited even a word? Oh, well, if not, it is now!). I am so happy that you are enjoying reading this story just as much as I enjoy writing it... Even if it makes me cry while I write. lol**

 **Sorry for any mistakes... I'm sure they are a few that I didn't catch :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Christian's POV**

I stand here watching Sawyer drive away with my entire life. I watch until I can no longer see the tail lights of the SUV. When they are no longer in view, I sit down on the steps of the house and try to calm my racing heart. Ana.. My Ana left me. I know she says it's only for a few days, but it still hurts like fuck. It hurts like nothing has ever hurt before.

She said to call her if I needed her. I am seriously considering running in the house, grabbing my phone and calling her because I do need her. I need her so fucking bad! But I can't do that because as much as I fucking hate this, I know she is right. We both need this. I know her reasons for needing this time, and me.. I need get to John as soon as possible. I need him to help me.

I didn't lie to Ana when we were first married. I did.. I do want children with her. It's just with everyday that passes, I see how the men in our family are at being fathers. Great fucking fathers. How would I ever measure up? How would I ever be as fun and as playful as Elliott? How would I ever be as kind, patient, and understanding as Carrick was. Because let's face it, that man had to have had the patience of a fucking saint to be my father when I was growing up.

I jump up when I hear a car coming up the driveway thinking it's Ana. Thinking that maybe she came back. But it's not Ana, it's Gail. She is returning from a weekend at her sisters. Feeling the cool breeze of the morning across my skin, I look down and notice that I am still only in my pajama bottoms. I quickly wipe the tears from my face and turn to make my way back in the house, not wanting Gail to see me like this.

When I enter our bedroom, Ana's scent hits me like a brick in the face. It hits me so hard, I have to sit on the bed before I fall flat on my ass. I take a slow look around the room. The bed is still rumpled from where she and I held each other last night. The sweet smelling vanilla lotion that she puts on every night still sits on the bedside table. The hairband that she uses to put up her hair- and I sometimes use when braid her hair- still sits on the very same table.

 _What the fuck did I do?!_

As if I'm on auto-pilot, I shave, I shower, I dress... and I try my hardest not to look around. I don't want to see Ana's shampoo, conditioner, body wash and razor in the shower. I don't want to see her toothbrush in the holder next to mine. I don't want to see her clothes hanging in our closet. And I absolutely do not want to look at the back of the closet and see one of our overnight bags missing. I don't want to see any of those things because I fear that it will add to the pain in my chest and I honesty don't know how much more I can take before it kills me.

When I'm back in my room, I try calling John once again. And once again I get his voicemail. "This is John Flynn. I'm sorry that I have missed your call. Please leave a message and I will return your call as soon as possible."... _Beep_.

"John, It's Christian Grey. This is the second message I have left today. I need you to return my call as soon as possible, please." I want to add that it's a emergency, but I don't. I'm sure the desperation in my voice rings out loud and clear.

I pace my room back and forth... Back and forth. What do I do next? What do I do while waiting for John to return my call? My mind starts wondering back to the past few days. The look of devastation on Ana's face when I told her that I didn't think I'd ever want children. The pain I saw written all over her face yesterday every time she would look at Mia and Kate mothering their children. The way she ran from the room gasping for air when Elliott had mistaken her pain for tiredness due to pregnancy. And then... Then the sight of Ana and my Mom's face flash through my head. When the guys came in yesterday, Ana and my mom had both been crying. My mom knows!

I rush back to where my phone is laying on the bed and bring up my Mom's contact information.

"Good morning darling. I hope you aren't calling to cancel plans for our Sunday dinner. I already have the roast in the oven." She chirps in the happily soothing tone of voice that only two women have ever used on me. Grace and Ana.

"Mother" I answer back, but my voice comes out in a strangled whisper.

"Christian? Oh no, what's wrong? Is it Ana?" She rushes out.

"She left." Is all I can get out. Who knew two little words, seven letters could break a man over and over again? "You know." It's a statement not a question. "You know the reason my wife left." I'm not accusing her, only stating the obvious. I need her help.

"Darling, I'm coming over." I can hear her rushing around and my dad the background asking her what's wrong.

"No. You don't have to come over." I tell her even though at this moment, I would really like to talk with her and my dad.

"I know I don't have to son, but I want to. You are my child no matter your age and I will always come running when I am needed. And honey, I can hear in your voice that I am needed."

"Okay" I agree quietly.

After hanging up with my mother, I go back down stairs, intent on going to my study. I need to send Andrea an email letting her know to clear my schedule for the rest of the week. I'm fucking serious about getting my head right. If I want to have a family with Ana, I need to buckle down and focus, really focus on getting my shit together. I've decided that when I do hear back from Flynn, I am going to ask for sessions everyday. The pain I see in my wife's eyes is enough to make me do whatever necessary to give her what she wants... What we both want. Only one of us is strong enough to reach for the goal of parenthood. That is going to fucking change though.

It would be so easy to just to give in and tell Ana that we can have children without me going through all of this shit, but that would not be fair to her. I'm going to put in the effort and do the work that I need to be the husband Ana deserves, and eventually the father our child deserves. I realize now that I should have done this years ago , but I got comfortable in the way things were. Why rock the boat when everything was perfect by voicing my biggest fears?

As I pass by the kitchen, I hear my name being called. When I turn to look, I see Gail standing at the counter with her notepad and pen.

"Mr. Grey, is Ana around? I would like to go over this weeks menu with her when she gets the chance." She says while taking stock of everything in the refrigerator and taking notes on her paper. I see the news of Ana leaving hasn't made it's way to Gail yet.

"Gail, Ana left and went to her father's for a few days, so it will only be me." I see the sadness in her eyes and quickly look away. "Just make a few dishes that you know I enjoy."

"Yes, Mr Grey. If there is anything else you will need, just let me know."

"Actually my mother and possibly my father will be here shortly. I know that Sunday is one of your off days, but could you please throw together a quick grilled chicken salad for our lunch?"

"Not a problem, Sir." She assures me.

After emailing Andrea, I call Sawyer for an update. I would call Ana, but I am trying to give her the space she needs. I'm sure once Ray finds out what's going on, I will not be his favorite person. And I don't fucking blame him. I hate myself for the shit I'm putting Ana through.

"Mr. Grey?" Sawyer answers.

"Sawyer, is everything okay? How is Mrs. Grey?"

"Everything is fine, Sir. We arrived about thirty minutes ago. Ana is doing fairly well." I still hate that the staff calls my wife by her first name, but Ana put her foot down and refused to acknowledge them if they call her anything other than her first name.

"You say 'fairly well', what the hell does 'fairly well ' mean, Sawyer?" I know I being testy, but I need to know.

"She slept some of the drive here. When we arrived she became a little upset when she saw her father. After that, Mr. Steele showed me to my room, and took Ana to the lake on his property."

"Is that all?" It fucking kills me to know that Ana was upset and I wasn't there to comfort her.

"For now, yes. Mr. Steele asked that I stay at the house while he and Ana took a walk. He said that he wanted a little alone time with his daughter."

"Okay" I don't like the fact that Ana is without security, but they are on Ray's gated property, and I know that Ray would never let anything happen to his daughter. "Call me if I'm needed."

I once again try to call John when I hand up with Sawyer, and once again it goes to voicemail. This time I hang up without leaving a message.

I'm once again lost in thoughts of my wife when I hear the doorbell ring. I know it's probably my mother, so I leave my office to let her in. Gail must have gotten to the door first because as I reach the end of the hall, both my mother and father are rounding the corner. My mom takes one look at me and opens her arms. Without hesitation, I walk to her and let her wrap me in her embrace... Something that I would not have been able to do before Ana.

"Let's go sit in the living room." I say as I lead the way.

"What's going on son?" My dad asks.

"Where do I start?" I blow out a puff of air and run my hands through my hair... a habit that both Elliott and I picked up from our father.

"Take your time and start when you're ready." My mom encourages.

"Ana left. She didn't leave for good, only for a few days." My dad looks shocked, so it's safe to say that my mom didn't mention the reason for rushing over here this morning.

"Left? What happened?" My dad asks, and looks between me and my mom. When he sees understanding on my mom's face, he asks, "You knew? Why haven't you said anything to me?" He looks back to me, "Does this have something to do with the way Ana reacted last night to Elliott's question?"

"Calm down, Cary." My mom pats him hand. "Yes, I knew, but it isn't my story to tell. Ana confided in my last night, and I didn't say anything because this is something that she and Christian need to work out."

My dad is upset because he loves Ana as if she were his own daughter. I know this is hurting my family too because they love both of us.

I tell them everything. How in the beginning of our marriage, I wanted children with Ana. How every year I would put it off.. and how year after year I became more and more scared to be a father.

"How did you do it, dad? How were you able to love me? I know I wasn't the easiest child to raise. I put you both through so much shit. How did you continue to love me?"

"That's just it Christian... I just loved you. You are my son. That's the reason I was able to continue. A parent's love is not conditional. I loved you the second I laid eyes on you. Yes, you had it rough at times growing up, but that's because you have always had a difficult time seeing past your own fears. And that is something that you and only you can fix. I have only seen you once throw caution to the wind. When you met Ana. And look how well that turned out. Are you willing to lose that because of fear?"

"No. Absolutely not!" I tell him without hesitation.

"Christian, everyone has fears. You just have to find a way to fight through them. And becoming parent is a fear that a lot of people have."

"But how do I know I wont fuck up my kid? I'm not you... I'm not Elliott... I'm not Ethan."

'You wont." He tells me sternly. "Am I saying that you wont mess up from time to time? Hell no! I messed up with you kids more than I care to admit. No parent is perfect, Son. But, you don't have to be a perfect person to be a good parent to a child. Are you following me here?"

"Yeah," I answer gruffly. I look over to see that my mom is watching this with tears streaming from her eyes.

"And no, you are not me, or Elliott, or Ethan. But does that mean that you wont be a good parent?" He doesn't wait for my reply before he continues. "Christian, you are loyal, loving and so protective of your loved ones. If you and Ana decided to have a child, I know for a fact that he or she will never want for anything, and may God have mercy on anyone that may try to hurt that child. That, my son, is the kind of person you are, and the kind of father I know you will be. The man your mother and I... Your parents... raised you to be."

"And what if I pass on some defective gene from my birth parents?" I voice another concern.

My dad shakes his head, "It doesn't work that way Christian. Elliott's birthmother was a horrible person, and look at the man your brother is now. Look at how wonderful those two beautiful girls are. Mia's birthmother was a young teenage girl who had lost her way due to neglectful parents. Did that cause Mia to follow in that path? No, because we raised you three to be the amazing people you are today. Don't ever doubt yourself again because of your birthparents."

"Thanks, Dad." I say as I stand to hug him. He doesn't even know what his words do for me. It makes me realize that maybe there is hope to overcome this... That maybe this fear that I have is irrational. Now I wish I would have went to my parents about this long before now.

When I glance back over at my mom, she is smiling through her tears. "I have no doubt that the love you and Ana share will bring you through this." My mom says when I turn to hug her. "Without saying too much, I hope you know that this decision wasn't an easy one for Ana to make."

"I know."

"What now? Is there any more that your father and I can do?"

"Now, I wait for Flynn to return my call so I can get a appointment to see him. I'm going back into therapy." I tell them.

"I think that's a wise idea." My dad responds and my mother nods her head in agreement.

After lunch my parents leave, and I go back to my study to try to do some work. I need a distraction. My mind is reeling and I need something to do before I drive myself crazy.

As I'm replying to an email, my phone pings with a text. My heart rate speeds up when I see that it's from Ana.

 **Just wanted to tell you that I love you.-A**

 **I love you more, my Ana.-C**

That simple text makes me feel a little better. Like the weight that's on my chest is a tad bit lighter.

I've worked for a few hours. Elliott and Mia have both tried to call several times today. Each time I have ignored their calls. It's not that I don't want to talk to them, I just don't feel like having to hash out and go over again all the ways I have fucked up. I know they aren't calling because they know about what happened. My mom and dad would not have said anything. They are probably calling to check on Ana after everything went down last night. That paired with Sunday dinner being canceled, has them wondering. I send them both a text letting them know that everything is fine, I don't feel like talking right now and I will call them in a few days. Hopefully they will understand I just can't right now.

* * *

It's close to 8 p.m. when my phone rings and the caller I.D. says it's John calling.

"Grey," I answer.

"Christian, it's good to hear from you. It's been a while I've just received your messages. Is everything okay?"

"No, but they will be. I need to see you." I respond.

"Okay, when will be good time for you? Some time this week?"

"Tomorrow morning wouldn't be soon enough. I need several appointments this week. I have some things I need your help in working through."

"Okay, I will get to the office in the morning a little earlier. Why don't you come in around 7am so I don't have to try and work you in on such short notice." The man is worth every penny he is paid.

"I'll be there." I assure him.

 _Time to get the ball rolling on getting my shit together. For Ana... For me...for our future children._

At 10, I start up the stairs to go to bed. When I get to the door of our room, I stop... How am I going to be able to sleep in our bed without my wife by my side? There will be no hope of sleep if all I do is lie there and smell her all around me. Yea, her scent will be there, but she wont be. Fuck this shit! I can't! I turn and walk down the hall to one of our guest rooms. I'll sleep here tonight... every night until my Ana comes back to me.

Lying in bed, staring at the beige walls, my mind starts to wonder about what this room would look like painted in soft blues with sailboats and teddy bears decorating the walls... or soft pinks with flowers. Will this be the room Ana chooses for the nursery? Or would she use the guest room that's close to our room? Just with me being able to think these things without panicking is a step in the right direction for us.

I'm exhausted from not sleeping any last night and then the stress of today. I want to call Ana. I said I would give her time, but fuck I miss her. I toss and turn for about an hour before giving up and calling her. I need to at least hear her voice.

"Christian?" I hear her sweet voice and my chest aches to hold her.

"Hey, Beautiful. I just wanted to call and tell you goodnight." _Fuck this hurts!_

"I wouldn't have went to bed without saying goodnight. I just got out of the shower and was going to call once I got settled in bed."

"Okay. Hey, um... I have an appointment with John in the morning." I tell her. I want her to know that I am doing everything possible to give her the family we deserve.

"That's good, Christian. So good." I hear the pride for me in her voice, and it eases a little more of that weight on my chest to know that she is proud of me for taking this step.

"I also had a long, very helpful talk with my parents today." I pause... "We're going to get trough this Ana." This last sentence is said as a statement, but I need her reassurance.

"Yes, Baby, we are going to be fine. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Good night, Christian. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, my Ana."

* * *

 **I hope y'all enjoyed Christian's POV. I had originally planned to do this story in Ana's POV only, but as the chapters went on, I really felt like Christian needed to speak his peace. For some reason, it was really difficult to write CPOV for this story, so I hope I did him justice and this chapter doesn't suck. :)**  
 **We all know that our CG was beautifully flawed, and he is no different in my story. But, like every obstacle in his past, he will get through this too. A lot of y'all thought this Christian was an ass, even my own husband called him a douche after reading my first chapter. lol I hope this chapter gives you a little more insight as to why Christian was acting the way he was/is.**

 **Sorry for any mistakes I wasn't able to catch.**


	5. Chapter 5

It's Tuesday morning and the second day I awoke without my husband by my side. I would like to say that this time away was all roses, but it's not. Yes, it is giving me the chance I needed and asked for to clear my head. However the little sleep that I've had the past two nights would not equal up to one good nights rest. I hope that Christian is sleeping better than I am.

Since it's only 6am, I lay in bed for a little while trying to get back to sleep, but with no luck. I get up intending on going down stairs and having breakfast ready for Ray when he wakes, but to my surprise, he is already at the stove. He doesn't notice me at first because he and Sawyer are busy trading stories of their time in the service. I clear my throat to alert them that I'm in the room.

My Dad looks up from the pan and gives me a bright smile, "Good morning, Annie. I'm making breakfast burritos. I hope you're hungry."

"It all smells really good, Dad. I was hoping to get up early and make you breakfast. You know, as a thank you for letting me stay here." _And not asking me a million questions_... That last part I decide not to share out loud. True to his word, Dad hasn't pushed me to talk about what's going on. He's giving me time to work this out on my own. I know he is worried, so I figure that I will sit down with him at some point today and fill him in on everything.

"Nonsense , Annie. You know that you are always welcome here no matter what. Now come sit down and eat breakfast." My dad says as he busies himself around the kitchen.

Dad, Sawyer and I enjoy the food that my dad prepared as the men talk about sports. I'm not sure what sport they are discussing, because I block them out and think about Christian. About how and what he's doing right now. I hope he is handling everything okay.

Even though I'm sure it's delicious, I can't even tell you what the food taste like. All I know is that it feels like a ton of bricks sitting in my stomach. I try my best to tune into what Dad and sawyer are talking about because if I don't, I'm just going to worry myself sick.

I refuse my Dad's help to clean the kitchen when breakfast is over. There isn't much so I'm done in less than 20 minutes. After going to my room and checking a few emails, I decided to make myself a cup of tea and go sit at the dock on the lake. A little fresh air will do me well.

* * *

Like I thought, the fresh cool breeze coming off the water helps clear my head, but it also chills me a little. I've been sitting out here alone for the last 20 minutes. Well, alone if you don't count Sawyer standing guard about 100 feet away. When I insisted on coming down here alone, he flat our refused because my dad wasn't coming with me. I really should know better by now than to try to sweet talk my way around security.

I hear my phone beep in my back pocket, and when I pull it out, I see that it's a message from Christian.

 **Good morning, Baby. I hope you slept well.- C**

Just like always, my stomach erupts with butterflies just by reading his words. That man really has no idea what he does to me.

 **Good morning, Handsome. I slept okay. I hope you slept well, too.-A**

Yes, I just fibbed a little by telling Christian that I slept okay, when in fact I didn't. My husband has enough on his plate with out adding stressing about me to it.

 **I slept as well as to be expected without you in my arms. I'm about to head into John's office. I'll call you later and discuss the appointment. I love you-C**

 **I love you too-A**

With Christian mentioning his appointment with Flynn, it brings me back to the phone conversation from last night...

* * *

 _..."How was you day?" Christian asks. I could hear the relief in his voice when he answered my call tonight._

 _"It was okay. I did a little work, but spent most of the day resting until Dad got home from work."_

 _"Um, have... have you told him? How much does he hate me? Has he already started cleaning his gun?"_

 _I have to giggle at the last question. "No, he hasn't broke out the guns. I actually haven't told him. I had some things to sort out in my head first before I talked to him. I think I may talk to him in the morning. He was able to take tomorrow off since he finished up the project he was working on."_

 _"I hate that my fucking insecurities are putting you ... putting us in this situation." He spits out with anger. I know the anger isn't towards me, but himself._

 _"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but did everything go okay with your appointment this morning?"_

 _He blows out a loud puff of air, "I don't mind at all, Baby. It went well. John and I mainly talked about my childhood, and he basically reinforced everything my parents told me on Sunday. I'm feeling a lot better about things, but... um," He hesitates for a few beats, and I know what he's going to say next is really bothering him. "Tomorrow's visit, he wants to talk about my teen years and my history with Elena. He feels like she had a bigger impact on me than I realize."_

 _Elena! That's a fucking name I haven't heard in a while. If I never heard that bitches name again in my life time it would be too soon. She had tried to contact Christian a few times after shit hit the fan on his 28th birthday. It got to he point where we had to get restraining orders put on her for the entire Grey family._

 _"Are you okay with that? I know we chose to leave her in the past, so are you okay with dragging her back up? Are you willing to do that revisit those six years?" He knows that I am referring to the six years he spent in Elena's clutches._

 _"It's not even a question. I'm willing to do anything for us... For our marriage... For our future family."_

 _"That was a stupid question for me to ask. I know that you are doing everything you can to work yourself out. I-I'm extremely proud of you." My voice cracks a little._

 _"I know, baby. Your support means the world to me."..._

* * *

Knowing that Christian is going to have to bring that bitch up this morning is making me really nervous. I hate her and I hate that he is going to have to talk about his past with her once again.

I hear the boards on the dock creak and I look back expecting to see Sawyer walking closer to me, but instead I see my Dad walking down the dock towards me. He has a thermos in one hand and something wrapped in tin foil in the other hand.

"Thought I'd find you here." He says as he sits down beside me. This is where I used to go all the time as a teenager to think. And it was also the best place to lay on a blanket and read.

"You know I love this spot." I say and he nods, but otherwise stays silent. "Whatcha got there, old man?" I tease and point to the stuff that was in is hands.

"Watch it with the old man, Annie girl." He chuckles. "I thought I would bring you some hot chocolate and peanut butter cookies."

I smirk at him, "So, other wise known as bribery." He used to always bring me hot chocolate and my favorite peanut butter cookies when he wanted to get me to open up about something.

He nods his head, "I guess that's one way to look at it." He says with a small smile. That smile doesn't last long and his face grows serious and concerned. "Look, Annie, I love you and it hurts an old man's heart to see his baby girl going through something. I've said that I wouldn't ask and I'd wait for you to come to me, but I don't know how much longer I can wait." He turns to me, and his face is as hard as stone. "!t's obvious that something is going on between you and Christian. Just answer me one thing... Has he hurt you?"

I know what he's really asking, he wants to know if Christian has physically hurt me. "Not in the way you're thinking, Dad." I assure him, and I see some of the tension leave his body.

"We'll that's reassuring to a father. Want to tell me what's going on?"

"You know about Christian's past, right?" I ask.

"About his birth mother?" He asks in confusion.

"Yeah."

My dad knows about everything in Christian's past except for Elena and BDSM. My dad would probably have a heart attack if he knew how my and Christian's relationship began.

"Well, he still has a few issues he needs to work through. I'm ready to start a family and he's afraid. He's letting his past interfere with our future. We had an argument and in the end, he realized what he was doing to us by denying us the joy of children. He is taking these few days to get help in therapy, and I'm taking these few days to get my head back on straight."

He is quiet as he looks out over the water. I can tell he is thinking things over. When he finally speaks, I brace myself for his questions, because by the look on his face, I know this is as hard for him to ask. "Annie, you said that he is in therapy... Is he doing this because he wants children and wants to overcome the remaining issues with his past, or is he doing this so he can keep you? Because if he is doing this just so he can keep you, that wouldn't be fair to you or the child."

"Wow, Dad, you are really going in with the hard hitting questions." I let out a small, uncomfortable laugh. "Honestly, I know deep down Christian wants children. He is such a good and loving husband, son, brother, and uncle. I can see where your concern is coming from, but I truly believe in my husband and I know he would be the absolute best father to a child... Well second best," I bump shoulders with his, "We both know you hold the title for worlds best dad." I say making him chuckle.

"You are my main concern. I have always worried about you and I always will. When you do have children, you will understand that a parents worry never ceases no matter how old the child is."

I nod my head, "I know, Daddy. I'm sure that your concerns are going to be brought up by Dr. Flynn during Christian's sessions. You don't need to worry so much about me though. I have the life any parent would want for their child. And, you know I'm not talking about finances, I'm talking about a parent wanting their child to be happy and loved. And I assure you, I am both of those things with Christian."

He wraps his arm around my shoulder and leans me into his side and kisses me on the side of my head. "I know, Annie girl, I know. So you've had a few days to sort things out on your end, how's that going? Come to any conclusions yet?"

I smile at him, "Yeah, but I think the rest will need to be sorted out with my husband by my side."

* * *

 **Christian's POV**

"Good morning, Christian." John greets me as I step into his office.

"Morning , John." I shake his hand.

I sit down and get comfortable on his sofa. It's not the same one as I used to sit on because it seems that he redecorated in the past few years. Everything is still based around comfort for his patients though. With warm earth tones, it puts out not only a peaceful, but welcoming vibe.

"How are you doing with things since we talked yesterday?" John asks as he sits in his chair across from me.

"Fine." I give him a one word answer that is completely a lie.

"Fine? Care to elaborate?" The raised eyebrow John is sporting tells me that he isn't an idiot and he knows that I'm lying. I forgot about this part... The part where you can't get anything past Dr. John Flynn.

I stare at him a few minutes and figure I may as well tell him. After all, that's what I am here for- to get help. "Okay, fine, things aren't fine. I miss the fuck out of my wife. I need her home with me. I want to work through this shit in my head in warped speed so Ana and I can get on with our lives and start a family. And I seriously don't want to talk about Elena Lincoln. That bitch is in my past for a reason, and that is where I want her to stay."

John nods his head calmly, "I understand why you feel that way. If I know Ana, I'm sure she misses you just as much. We spoke of this yesterday, and we both agreed that this time away would be beneficial for her. I do want to talk to you about the two of you having a few sessions together, and if Ana would like, I could do an individual session for her as well."

"I will mention this to her when she and I speak this evening." I agree.

"Now, I know that you would rather we didn't have to talk about Elena and your teenage years, but it needs to be addressed."

I nod my head, but say nothing.

"I think even though for the most part, you have left that part of your life behind you.. closed that chapter if you will, I think that you still feel the proverbial sting of what was done to you. Am I correct?"

I think on it a minute before answering him. "Somewhat, I guess. I mean, when Ana and I do have children, God forbid they find out what type of person I was before I met their mother."

"And what type of person was that?" John asks.

"Come on, John, you know me. You knew me then. You know I wasn't a good person." I state. Now I'm starting to get a little pissed at the obtuse act John has going.

"Yes, I know you and that's why I know what you just said was far from true. The Christian I knew before Ana was a good man.. Troubled, yes, but a good person no less. Why would you say you weren't a good person?"

"You know every bit of my past. You know the shit I did..." I trailed off because I was about to say the shit I did with Elena. And it hit me, John was right. I thought I was over that shit, but apparently not.

John, being John didn't miss the look on my face. "I see I'm making my point."

"Yeah." I mean, what else could I say.

Over the next hour John and I spend our time taking a trip down memory lane. A lane that I hope to fucking close after I'm done with this session. The shit that I'm having to think about is really fucking with my head, but weirdly at the same time, it's also making me think. I can now see that my fears that I have had for so long didn't just come from my early childhood, but that I was in fact impacted from Elena's abuse far more than I thought I was.

But with all of this, a new issue gets brought to the surface... I would never want my kids to endure the abuse I went through. I would fucking kill someone if they even tried to do to my son what Elena did to me.

"I see you are working through something in your head. Care to share?"

Without even seconds hesitation, I share my thoughts with John. "What if I'm unable o protect my children from people like Elena? From pedophiles. John, I would not be able to control my rage if I were to ever find out that someone was hurting my son or daughter."

I see John try to stifle a smile. It's not a gloating smile, it's a satisfied smile. "Christian, there is no way for a parent to one hundred percent protect their child from the evils of the world. What I can tell you is that we all do our best to protect them where we can. You will be no different. you'll probably be better than most because you know what to look for. You've learned from your own experiences."

He's right, I would do any and everything in my power to keep my children from enduring the abuse I did.

* * *

After my session with John, I swing by the office and pick up a few papers that need my signature. What was supposed to be a quick drop in turned into a few hours.

"Christian, I need to talk with you for a minute about the new Japanese contract." Ros calls out while I'm trying to make my getaway."

I turn back and tell her to meet me in her office. If I have to sit in my office any longer than necessary and stare at pictures of Ana, I may go crazy out of my mind.

Ros and I talk a couple of hours. When she gathers the papers on her desk, I take that as my que to get my ass out of there. As I make it to the door, Ros calls out my name.

"Everything okay with you?" She asks when I turn back to her.

No way in hell am I going to tell her what's going on. Yeah, I'm closer to Ros than I am my other employees, but there is no way I am sharing that Ana and I are having problems... Problems that I caused... Problems that I'm fixing.

"Everything's fine, Ros. Thanks for asking." I give her a forced smile and get my ass to the SUV.

On my way home, I have nothing else to do but think. I go over my session with John. And I ask myself the question I have asked myself over and over the past few days... Am I ready for a child? All the other times I've asked myself this question, my answer would be, _not yet_. Now as I ask myself this question, my answer is, _I'm almost there_... And it's a fucking amazing feeling.

I need to call Ana and tell her about todays session and my new revelation. My mind is on Ana as I walk into the house. So much so, I almost miss my brunette angel sitting on the sofa. When I do spot her, I stop dead in my tracks.

"Ana." I say in a disbelieving tone.

Watching her stand and walk to me with that sweet smile on her face is a fucking vision... a fucking dream.

"Hey baby." She smiles at me.

"You're home." I say as she reaches me and I take her in my arms.

"I am. I thought it was time I came back. We have worked on ourselves individually, I think it's time we worked the rest out together."

"Together." I breath the word out just before I bend and take her mouth. _Ana.. My Ana is home_.


	6. Chapter 6

My eyes are so tired as I sit at my desk reading over a manuscript. The words are starting to run together. I know I shouldn't have let my husband keep me up all night, but who am I to say no to that sexy man? He has been insatiable since I returned home from Ray's.

I've been home for almost a month now, and things are going so much better than I expected them to be. I thought it would take Christian a lot longer to work things out in his mind. I shouldn't be surprised because I know my husband, and when he sets his mind to something, nothing will stop him from achieving it.

He has three sessions a week with Dr. Flynn. One on Mondays and Fridays, he attends by himself, and on Wednesday's, he and I both see John together.

It's almost lunch time, and it's Friday so I know Christian is probably finishing up with Flynn. I want so badly to pick up the phone and call him, but I will wait and give him time to get back to his office.

While I wait for him to get back to his office, I take the already read stack of manuscripts out to Hannah, and get her to order me something for lunch. I would just call her in here, but I really need to stretch my legs. Plus this will give me a chance to wake myself up.

"Hannah, here are the manuscipts I've finished reading. I have them marked as to where they need to go." I tell my assistant as I walk out of my office. I hear the quiet mummers all around me, but pay no mind to what they are saying.

"Sure thing, Ana." She says as she finally lifts her head from the work on her desk. She smiles at me, but I notice a quizzical look take over her face at she looks over my shoulder. "Um, I think you may have an admirer, Mrs. Grey." She winks at me.

I turn around to see what she is talking about. And that's when I realize what all the quiet chatter was about. Christian is standing across the room, leaning against the wall and watching my every step with a sly smile on his face. He has his suit jacket off, and his sleeves rolled up, so that his strong forearms are on full display.

He pushes himself off the wall, and slowly stalks towards me.. the smile never leaving his face. I can't help but smile back at him. The man is pure sex on legs. _And he is all mine._  
My feet stay rooted to the ground. I am so mesmerized at the sight of him, I couldnt move if I wanted to.

When he finally makes it to me, I lean my head back to look at him. "Is there something I can help you with, Sir?"

He doesnt speak, he just leans in and takes my mouth with his. _In front of my staff!_ That last thought quickly fades away as I get lost in the kiss. The feeling of his tongue sliding against mine. The slight sting from his fingers in my hair sends an electrfiying pulse straight to my core. The taste of him... It's so familiar, and at the same time it's a delicious taste that always set me on fire like it did the first time we kissed in that elevator all those years ago.

"Hey, Beautiful." He says when we finally come up for air.

"H-Hey." I stutter out, making him smirk. He knows he's put me in a fog of pure lust.

"Have you had lunch yet?" He asks.

"Not yet, I was just about to order something." I tell him.

"Grab your things, and whatever you may need to work on over the weekend. We can go to lunch together, and then go home. I've taken the rest of the day off, and I want to spend it with you."

"A day with you? That sounds wonderful." When Christian and I turn to walk to my office, I see the stares we are getting from everyone. It used to bother me when people openly stared at us, but after six years, I've learned to let it roll off my back.

Christian quickly helps me gather my things. When we get outside, I see that he has brought his new -yes, new- R8. I look around, but see no sign of Taylor.

"Are we on our own today?" I ask once we are seated in the car.

"Yes, I gave Taylor and Sawyer the rest of the day off as well." He looks over at me with a wicked and promising grin.

As we drive through the city with the radio quietly playing, I watch Christian drive. I love to see the look of concentration on his face, and also the way his muscles move and bunch in his arms as her steers the car and shifts gears. _Who knew driving could be such a turn on?_ I didn't before I met Christian. Now I know... I can't help but squirm in my seat trying to help with the throbbing between my legs. My poor lacy panties never stood a chance at staying dry.

I've been so lost in Christian that I don't realize where we are until we drive into the parking garage. Escala.

"Escala? I thought we were going out for lunch?" I ask when he pulls into one of his parking spaces.

"We are going to lunch. I had Gail make us lunch and Taylor dropped it off. I have something that I want to discuss with you, and we need privacy for this conversation." I get a little nervous until I see him smiling. It's a full blown genuine smile, so I know this is going to be a good converstion.

"And we had to go to Escala for this private conversation? Why not just go home?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. I know why he wants to go here. It's been a while and I'm sure the playroom is getting a little lonely.

"This is home, baby. It was our first home together." He squeezes my hand and winks at me.

When we enter the elevator, that all too familiar pull is there. There's just something about elevators.

I feel Christian's hand at my waist and before I know what's happening, he spins around and has me pinned against the wall. As he kisses the life out of me, he simultaneously pulls up my skirt and pushes my panties to the side.

"Already so fucking wet!" He growls against my mouth as he runs a finger through my folds. He pushes two fingers inside of me and puts pressure on my clit with the heel of his hand. And like the little hussy I am, I start riding and grinding against his hand.

"That's it, Anastasia, fuck yourself with my hand, baby." He curls his fingers forward, hitting the spot inside of me that has me going off like a rocket. It doesn't take long... I was primed and ready since we left my office.

"Ah, Christian." I grip his shoulders and lean my head against his chest, and I feel him press his lips to the top of my head.

When I finally catch my breath enough to open my eyes, I find him watching me, and sucking his fingers. "That is just a taste of what's to come." He says and kisses the tip of my nose.

"Can't wait." I reply, breatlessly.

Walking into the penthouse on wobbly legs, I make my way to the kitchen. Even after all this time, whenever I walk into this apartment, I get butterflies in my belly. Christian and I have so many good memories in this place. This is where the story of Christian Grey and Anastesia Steele began.

"Chicken ceaser salad okay with you, baby?" Chriatian asks, bringing out of my thoughts.

"Perfect." I pour us both a glass of wine while Christian plates up our food.

After we finished eating, Christian takes my hand and leads me over to the sofa. But instead of sitting me beside him, he sits and then pulls me down so I am straddling his lap.

"So beautiful," He mummers mainly to himself as he runs his nuckles across my cheek.

"What did you need to talk about?" I ask. Since he and I are sitting face to face, I see his eyes light up.

"My therpy sessions have been going really well. Better than even John had hoped."

"That wonderful, Honey." I cup his face with my hands and kiss him lightly on the mouth. "I can't even begin to explain how proud of you I am."

"I had a lot of motivation." He pauses and rubs his hands along the outside of my thighs. "No one is more important to me than you. We have so much love, and I have come to realize that it would be a shame not to share that love." He says, and I see his throat moves as he attempts to swallow down his emotions.

"W-what are... what are you saying?" I don't want to get my hopes up if he isn't saying what I think he's saying. _But, please... please let me be right._

"I'm saying that you are due for your shot next month, and you sould cancel that appointment." His eyes get glassy, and his voice is thick with emotion as he continues to talk. "I'm ready. I realize what a fool and ungrateful husband I have been all of this time. All of this time wasted. We could have a family by now if I hadn't been so foolish and stubburn."

"Oh my," I choke out, tears running unchecked down my face.

"I'm still going to continue therpy. John thinks that would be a beneficial to me."

"What does John think about this desicion?" I ask. I pray that Chrisitian isn't jumping the gun.

He nods his head. "John feels that I am ready, as well."

"Oh God! Is this really happening?" I ask, still in a little bit of shock.

He smiles, "It's really happening. This time next year, we could be holding our very own child. A child that was made from our love. I promise Ana to try everyday to be the best father a child could hope for. I promise to love him-"

"Or her" I interject.

He smiles through his own tears, "Or her. I promise to protect them with my life."

"Honey, you don't have to tell me this. I already know you are going to be an amazing father. You are one of the best men I have ever known."

He stands with me in his arms and walks over the breakfast bar where our phones are. Instead of picking up his phone, he grabs mine. After sititng me on the bar, he scrolls through my phone until he finds what he's looking for.

Putting the phone on speaker, I hear it ring once before someone on the other end picks up.

"Dr. Greene's office. Good afternoon, this is Tasha. How may I help you?"

"Tasha, this is Christian Grey. I'm calling to cancel My wife, Anastesia Grey's appointment that is scheduled for next month." Christian says, beaming at me the entire time. I know my own face reflects a smile just as big.

"Okay," She says, and I can tell she is looking through her computer system. "Mr. Grey, it's showing that her appointment is for her birthcontrol shot. I'm sorry, but she is the only one authorized to cancel that type of appointment."

I see Christian take a deep breath and I hurridly snatch up the phone before my dear sweet husband can go all Fifty on the poor unsupecting receptionest.

"Tosha? This is Ana Grey." She and I have become friendly over the past 6 years. "I want to confirm what my husband just said. I... We" I smile even bigger at Christian, "would like to cancel the next appointment. However, I would like for Dr. Greene to call me in a prescription for prenatal vitamins."

"Sure thing, Mrs. Grey. I will make note of that in the system." I can hear the smile in her voice. She works at an OBGYN's office... She knows what's going on.

After pressing 'end', I toss my phone back on the counter. "So..." I say looking at Christian, wondering what his next move will be. To be honest, I feel a little out of sorts. This is something I've wanted and dreamed about for so long. Part of me is still waiting for the 'just kidding'.

He traces his finger down my cheek, his eyes never leaving mine. "So." He repeats back to me with nothing but happiness in his eyes.

"What's next?" I whisper.

He moves closer until his lips touch mine. But instead of kissing me, he whispers against my mouth, "Next.. We practice making that baby. We are going to get in lots and lots of practice, Anastasia."

"Practice makes perfect." I sigh.

"That it does. I say we get started now. Question is..." He nips at my bottom lip, "Do you want to practice soft and slow, or" He grindes his hard length into my core, "Hard and fast?"

"Can I have both?"

"My girl is always so fucking greedy." He says on a husky chuckle.

"Only when it comes to you." I moan and my head falls back as he once again grinds against me.

Before I can take my next breath, I am once again being carried through the great room. My head is burried in Christian's neck while I suck and nip at his skin. I can feel when he effortlessly starts to climb the stairs. It's like my body knows this path as well, because the slickness between my legs increases in anticipation of what's to come.

Christian unlocks the door to the playroom and slowly lowers me to my feet. "I want you to strip to your panties, braid your hair, get into postion, and wait for me." He says... his Dom voice in full effect.

I lower my head and answer, "Yes, Sir."

When he leaves the room, I make quick work of sheding my clothes and braiding my hair. After going to the corner and kneeling, I begin the wait for my husband... my Dom.

It isn't long before I hear the door creak as it opens. Since my head is lowered, I can only see Christian's bare feet and the frayed edges at the bottom of his jeans. _Those jeans_...

I can hear him moving around the room, opening drawers. The anticipation is killing me. It is taking all I have not to look up to see what he is doing. I know he knows what him taking his time is doing to me. He knows and he loves it. He loves to see me squirm in this room.

I see his feet appear before me just before I feel the soft leather of a riding crop run along my neck. He slowly trails it from my neck to just under my chin. With a firm press, he raises my head until my eyes meet his. I notice his pupils are almost taking over the gray of his eyes. The desire I see there cannot be mistaken.

"Stand, Anastasia," He demands.

When I stand and steady myself on my feet, he takes my hand and leads me over to the cuffs that are hanging from the grid on the ceiling.

Once he secures me and is satisfied with my position, he starts making his way around my body, trailing the riding crop along my heated skin as he goes. Every now and then the small bite from the crop as he hit me, makes me jump. I know the blows are coming. Hell, I welcome them. But, at this point I was about to lose my mind with need.

By the time he is standing in front of me again, my breath is coming out in harsh pants. "Do you need to come, Anastasia?"

"Please, Sir."

With practiced ease, he reaches up and opens the cuffs, freeing my hands. "Go lie on the bed, on your back."

Doing as he says, I lie back and wait for his next move.

"Pull you knees up and open your legs. I want to see how wet you are for me."

When I follow his instructions and he sees that I am indeed dripping for him, he lets out a groan that seems to come from deep in his chest. In the blink on an eye, he is on the bed with me.

I close my eyes, waiting for what I know is coming. When I feel the first stroke of his tongue, I almost come off the bed. I am so swollen and ready for him. I know it wont take long before I come.

"Yes, yes!" I cry out in pleasure when he circles my clit and pushes two fingers into me. 

Just as I am about to explode, he pulls away completely. _What the fuck_? When I look up to find him watching me with a small, arrogant smirk on his face, I know then that he isn't going to let me come just yet.

"You aren't going to come until my dick is burried balls deep inside that sweet, tight pussy, Anastasia." He runs one finger through my folds, causing me to jump slightly. "Yu know in here, in this room, I'm in control, but I'll be willing to let you decided how this plays out. You asked for both soft and slow, and hard and fast. Question is," He slides a single finger in her, teasing me, "which do you want first?" He asks with a raised brow.

No need to think about that answer. "Hard and fast first, please, Sir."

Before I can even register his next move, he flips me to my stomach and brings my knees up so that my ass is in the air.

I feel the wide tip of him at my opening. Thinking that he will ease in, I don't brace myself; Therefore when he slams into me, I fall forward.

"Brace yourself, Anastasia!" He orders and I feel the sting on my ass when his palm connects.

"Y-yes, Sir."

With one hand at my hip and the other hand wrapped around my braid he starts pounding into me. _Hard!_

"Fuck, yeah!" He grunts, gripping my hip harder. "Goddamn, baby! Your fucking pussy is going to be the death of me!"

His dirty words are turning me on even more, causing my orgasim to come out of seemily nowhere. It crashes into my with a force that takes my breath away.

It isnt long before I feel Christian swell even larger inside of me just before he begins to fall over the edge as well.

After pulling out of me, he rolls to the side and pulls me to him. Both of out bodies are slick with sweat, our breathing is ragged and our hearts are racing. We lay like this for a while, neither of us speaking.

"This practicing shit is going to be so much fun." Christian says, breaking the silence, causing me to giggle.

"Come on, Baby" He stands and hold his hand out to help me up.

"What? Where are we going? I'm tired, and I don't know if my legs will work after that."

He gives me a loving smile before answering, "We are going to take a shower and then I am taking you to our room where I can make love to you soft and slow."

 _Well okay then..._

The rest of the day is spent just that way... Slowly making love. The two of us celebrating in our own way the fact that we are soon going to start a family.


	7. Chapter 7

"Anastasia Grey" I hear my named called by Dr. Greene's nurse.

I stand and smile at her as I make my way to the scale so she can record my weight. This is standard procedure at every doctor's appointment, and I suspect that after Christian and I conceive, I will grow to despise it even more.

Today I am here to get the test results of the full work up I had done to make sure I'm healthy and my body is ready for pregnancy. My shot ran out over 2 months ago, so I really should have already had this done before now. Things at work have been busy, so much so that I am utterly exhausted when I get home in the evenings. Things should start slowing down now since have just recently added 4 new staff members to our GP team.

Christian has been blowing up my phone since this morning. He wanted to make this appointment with me, but he and Ros had to make a last minute day trip to Portland this morning. I tried to tell him that this appointment wasn't a big deal, but I could tell that he was less than happy about missing it.

"Okay, if you will just follow me, I will take you to your room." The nurse says as she leads me to an exam room. "Doctor Greene is running a little behind today due to an emergency at the hospital earlier."

"That's fine. I don't mind waiting." I tell her. I took the rest of the day off and brought home a few manuscripts that I need to look over. Since I will have to wait, it will give me time to read over one.

After the nurse has me situated comfortably in the room, she excuses herself, letting me know that Dr. Greene will be in next.

An hour and a half later I am just finishing up the manuscript that I was working on when the door opened and Dr. Greene steps inside.

"Mrs. Grey" She smiles at me. "I'm so sorry for the wait. I see that you had some test ran, and that you opted out of your last shot. I assume that you and Mr. Grey are ready to start a family."

I take a deep breath before I respond. It's still sometimes hard for me to believe that my dream of starting a family is finally coming true. "Yes, Dr. Greene, Christian and I are finally ready to start trying for a baby."

"That's wonderful news!" She pats my knee. "Now let's take a look at these test results."

She opens her mouth to say something, but before she can say anything, we hear the booming sound of my husband in the hallway.

"I just want to know where is my wife?"

 _Dear Lord!  
_

* * *

 **Christian's POV**

This has been a day from absolute hell. It was one fuck up after another with the new company that I took over last month. I guess the upside to this is that it's in Portland, so I don't have to be gone overnight to take care of things.

I was hyped to get to go to Ana's doctor's appointment today, and then I get into the office and am greeted by Ros before I can even make it to my desk. To say that I was pissed is an understatement. I know that today was just an appointment for the test results, but I want to be with Ana every step of the way.

Since she and I finally decided that we were ready.. that I was ready, all I can think about is planting my seed in my wife. Lately it's consuming my every thought. Am I still scared? You bet your ass I am! But, it's not the kind of scared I was in the beginning. Then I was scared that I would fuck up a child, and that I would somehow pass on a defective gene. Now, I think my fears are the same as any other first time father. Will I be able to teach my child the valuable lessons in life? I know next to nothing about a baby, so will I be able to take care of him or her the way I'm supposed to? They say a mother's instincts kick in when the baby is born, does the father's also? Fuck, I need to talk to Elliot. He was the biggest ass clown around before Ava arrived. Now he's more like father of the year. We're going to their house tomorrow for Ava's birthday party. I'll try to find time to talk to him then.

"Christian, why such the rush? You rushed through the meeting, you rushed through the catered lunch, you didn't take the time to walk through the building, and then you rushed my back to the helicopter." Ros asks as I navigate Charlie Tango through the air.

"Ana has a doctor's appointment today. I was hoping to me it back in time. Hopefully I can make it before the appointment is over." I tell her.

"Doctor's appointment? Is everything okay with her?" She asks, and I know she isn't just being nosy. She and her wife Gwen both love Ana.

"Ros, what I am about to tell you goes no further that right here, you understand?" She nods and I can see the worry in her face. "I was going to talk with you soon anyway because I plan on stepping back a little and delegating more stuff to you."

"Oh, God! Please tell me that Ana isn't sick!" She says in a hushed whisper, but I still hear her.

"What? Nothing like that. It's just that Ana and I are ready to start a family. Her doctor's appointment today was for the results of some test she had done."

"A baby!" Ros all but shouts. "Oh my fuck, Christian! This is going to be awesome!"

"Yeah." Is all the response I give her because it is going to be fucking awesome!

"Can I tell Gwen? Come on, you have to let me at last tell her!" She pleads.

"Gwen and only Gwen." I agree.

* * *

I'm an hour and a half late and I hope that Ana is still at her appointment. I want to surprise her, so I call Sawyer to see if she is still there.

"Mr. Grey?" Sawyer answers.

"Sawyer, is my wife still at her appointment?"

"Yes, Sir. I just checked with the receptionist, and she said there was a delay." He explains.

"Good, I'll be there soon."

It isn't long before we pull up at the doctor's office. When I enter I see Sawyer sitting near the door, next to a woman who looks like she is seconds away from exploding. He looks uncomfortable... Better him than me. Nodding my head at him, I don't stop and make my way down the hall where the exam rooms are located. There are several rooms and it's then that I realize that I have no clue what room Ana is in.

I see a nurse coming out of one of the rooms, so I stop her, "Excuse me, can you please tell me what room Anastasia Grey is in."

She looks at me and I can see that she doesn't recognize me. It's rare that this happens, but it does happen.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I can't give out that information."

"What? I just want to know where my wife is!" I'm getting pissed now. I did not rush here from Portland, just to be given the run around.

"Y-your wife?" I can see it finally donning on her who I am.

"Yes, my wife. Where is-" I'm stopped by one of the exam rooms opening.

"Christian, you made it!" I see the smile lighting up Ana's face.

"Always, Baby." I tell her as I lean in to give her a kiss on the mouth. "Now, what did I miss?"

Ana smiles, "Nothing, Dr. Greene was just about to discuss the test results with me."

"Yes," Dr. Greene says, gaining my attention. "I was just about to tell Ana that her recent urine and blood test have proven to be very interesting." She says and then pauses, making my heart race with fear.

"What?! Is she okay?" I bark out, making both women jump. Ana reaches out and grabs my hand to calm me, but it doesn't have the desired effect because I can feel her hands are clammy due to her own fear.

Dr. Greene smiles and what she says next turns my world upside down. "Everything is fine with Ana. It seems like you both wont have to wait very long to start that family." She turns to Ana, "Your labs show that you have elevated HCG levels. Congratulations Mr. And Mrs. Grey, you're expecting!"

"Holy fuck!" It comes out in a loud whisper. I look to Ana and see that she is beaming... fucking beaming. I don't know id I have ever seen a smile that bright in all my years on this earth.

When she looks over to see my face, her smile fades and I see that she is worried about my reaction. "Christian, are- are you okay?"

"Yeah, I, um, I'm just a little bit stunned. We just started trying."

Dr. Greene interrupts me before I can express how happy I am. "Seeing as you just stopped birth control about two months ago, I am wanting to do a little further testing because your HCG levels are quite high."

Once again my heart drops to my feet. What now? Is something wrong with Ana? Is something wrong with our child? This is something that Ana has wanted for so long. Hell, this something that only in the past couple of months I have also come to want a great deal. I have never been much of a praying man, but I am willing to drop to my knees here in this Dr.'s office and pray to a higher power that my wife and our child are healthy. Please, let them be healthy.

Dr. Greene brings me out of my thoughts when she starts talking again. "I see that you are both worried, but let me assure you that I would be concerned if the levels were low. How about we start out with an ultrasound and go from there."

I watch in silence as what I assume is the ultrasound machine is wheeled into the room. I feel a tug on my hand and look over to see Ana looking at me with concern written all over her face. I squeeze her hand back and give her a reassuring kiss. I don't dare try to speak. The shock of just learning that I am going to be a father and the fear that something could be wrong is clogging my throat.

Dr. Green instructs Ana to undress from the waist down and gives her a large piece of paper to cover herself. The entire process of getting ready for the ultrasound seems to take forever, but at the same time, I feel like the room.. Hell, I feel like my world is moving at the speed of light.

"Okay, Ana, I want you to scoot your bottom to the end of the bed, and place your feet in the stirrups." Dr. Greens says as she places a condom on what looks to be some type of dildo.

 _Whoa, wait a fucking minute!_ I may not know everything there is to know about any of this shit, but do know that an ultrasound is done on the belly!

"What the fuck is that thing?" I blurt out causing Ana to shoot me a death glare for my language.

"This, Mr. Grey," She hold up the dildo to show me, "is what we use when the mother is in the early stages of her pregnancy. We will be able to see more at this point with and internal ultrasound than we would with an external one."

"Will this hurt Ana or the baby in any way?" I ask. Surly she wouldn't do anything to put a patient at risk, but that is my entire fucking world lying on that table. _I_ have to be sure.

"No, Mr. Grey. This is perfectly safe for both."

I don't say anything, just nod my head. Sitting back, I watch as Dr. Greene inserts the wand into Ana, and I can feel the grip Ana has on my hand tighten.

"Ana, you need to relax a little." Dr. Greene tells her while rubbing Ana's knee.

"I- I'm trying. I'm just a little nervous."

I hear the shakiness in Ana's voice, so I kiss the back of her hand a lean down to whisper in her ear. Words only meant for her. "Relax, Beautiful. Everything is going to be fine. This is what we have fought so hard for. We're here. We made it. Now it's our time. Yours, mine, and our child's. Just relax and enjoy it." I feather a kiss just below her ear, and hear her blow out a breath as her body relaxes.

"Ah, there we go. Good job, Mr. Grey!" Dr. Greene praises.

"Love you" Ana mouths to me, and I give her a smile and mouth the words back to her.

"Okay hear we go. See that little flicker? That is this little one's heartbeat."

At the first sight of my child, I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. And I didn't think it possible, but I feel so much love for him or her already. I look down and see that Ana has tears running down her face, and she hasn't taken her eyes off of the screen. For brief moment, I wonder if my birthmother ever felt like this about me, but I quickly push that thought away. That woman has no place in this moment. No, this moment deserves nothing but good, pure, happy thoughts. No way am I tainting this memory with her.

"I'm going to turn up the volume so we can hear the heartbeat as well." Dr. Green mummers as she presses a few buttons on the machine.

A whooshing sound fills the room, and I see Ana's body shake a little as she tries, and fails to hold in more tears. When I look back up, I see a puzzled look on Dr. Greene's face... and my stomach sinks.

"What?! Is something wrong?" I frantically ask.

"No, it's just that I am picking up another heartbeat, but it isn't the mothers." She says while moving the wand around.

I hear a surprised, but happy 'oh my' come from Ana at the same time I start to fucking loose my head. "What do you mean another heartbeat?" I ask but Dr. Greens smiles over at Ana. "What? Why are you smiling? "

"Because Mr. Grey," She points to a second tiny flicker on the screen, "this is the other heartbeat. This little one was hiding behind its sibling. Congratulations, you're having twins."

"Oh my! Twins!" Ana sobs tears of joy. I'm just glad I'm siting because this news would have literally knocked my on my ass.

"Tw-twins? We're having twins?" I ask to no one in particular. I can feel my lungs start to seize up. What the hell! I just got used to the idea of having one... one.. as in singular.

I'm starting to panic, I know I am, but when I look up to see the blinding smile on my wife's face, all of my fears seem to fade away. _We've got this!_ Suddenly there isn't a doubt in my mind that I can do this. I can be a father of twins as long as I have Ana by my side. I look back up to the screen, and I swear I feel my fucking heart grow twice it's normal size when I see both heartbeats thumping away. Pure love! This ache in my chest is pure love and I know this feeling is only going to get stronger.

"Christian, are you okay?" Ana asks when she looks my way.

"I'm fucking fantastic." I say and give her a smile that I know rivals her own. I leans down and take her mouth with mine, not caring at all that Dr. Greens still sits a few feet away. I'm celebrating!

Dr. Greene gives us our moment before she continues. "By my measurements, you are around 7 weeks. Everything looks great, and your blood work shows that your HCG levels are perfect for twins at this stage of your pregnancy."

* * *

After Ana is dressed again, we sit in Dr. Greene's office and go over all the things we will need to know over the coming months.

"Now that I have explained things, is there any questions you have for me?" Dr. Greene asks.

"Shouldn't Ana be on bed rest since she is carrying two?" I ask, and see Ana roll her eyes. Well, that just earned her sweet little ass a smack. Wait.. Can I spank her while she's pregnant? Holy fuck, can we have sex since she's pregnant with twins?

"She is perfectly fine to continue normal activities as long as her pregnancy is healthy."

"Will intercourse hurt Ana or the babies?" I ask and hear Ana gasp.

"Heaven sakes, Christian!" I look over and Ana is blushing at my question.

"What? It's a valid question" I say and hear a mortified whisper of 'oh my' falls from Ana's lips.

"It's a valid question, right?" I ask Dr. Greene.

"Yes, and no worries Ana, it's a very popular question I get from most fathers. You can continue normal intercourse as long as the pregnancy is healthy."

"But, what's normal intercourse for us isn't what most consider normal." I inform her.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey, would you shut your mouth, please!" Ana snaps at me in a loud whisper. I have to bite my tongue to keeps from laughing at her now beet red face.

"I swear, Ana, I am not asking this to embarrass you, I just need to know the facts." I place a kiss on her forehead, tying to ease her discomfort.

"Mr. Grey, just be cautious and use common sense and you will be fine." Dr. Greene assures me. She opens her desk drawer and pulls out a piece of paper. "Here is a list of books about pregnancy that should be helpful, if you're interested."

After Ana makes her next appointment with the receptionist, we make our way back out into the parking garage with Sawyer and Taylor following us.

When we make it to the cars, I turn to both men, "Sawyer, Mrs. Grey is riding with me since we are heading home. When we get there I need to hold an emergency meeting with the both of you, as well as Gail. Taylor, call ahead and inform her of this meeting please."

I know we should keep it quiet for a few more weeks like my sister and brother did, but these three people need to know. Ana's safety has always been my number one priority, but now even more so. Gail need to know so she can adjust the meals to provide the nutrients Ana will need.

After they both have their instructions, Ana and I get in the back seat. When I look at her, she still has that blinding smile in place, and imagine that my face reflects the same. No wonder Taylor was looking at us funny. We are both smiling like crazy people.

"You happy?" I ask her in a whisper. Taylor will know soon enough. Right now, in this moment, I want it to just be about Ana, our babies, and me.

"Over the moon!" She responds as she pulls out the printed ultrasound photos. "What about you? I know this is a shock to you. How do you feel? Do you need to go in to see Flynn today?" She asks and I can tell that she is concerned about where my head is right now... So I tell her.

"Baby, I am so fucking happy right now! The initial fear that I felt was replaced with pure, all encompassing joy the minute I saw and heard out little ones for the first time." I look down at Ana's flat stomach and picture it round and full with our creations. Without thinking, I reach over and lay my hand on Ana's stomach. "I'm going to bust my ass to be the best father to these two. I promise!"

She reaches up and cups my face with her hands. "I know you will."

The rest of the ride home is spent in silence. My hand still on Ana's stomach, and Ana's head on my shoulder. _Fucking perfect_.

When we enter the house Gail is already waiting on us. "We can do this in my office." I inform them. I see Gail give me a funny look just before she shoots a questioning look at her husband.

"Thank you all or meeting with us." I say after they have all taken their seats. Gail, Taylor, and Sawyer on the sofa, and Ana on my lap.

"Ana and I found out today that we are expecting. She's almost two months." I pause and see that they're smiling. "But, that's not all. We found out that we are having twins." I hear a gasp from Gail and see Sawyer and Taylor's smiles have now been replace with a look of shock. That's probably the look I had on my face when I first found out too.

"What do you need done, Sir." Taylor asks, efficient as always.

"In the next coming months, we will need to start looking into hiring more security. We will need personally security for both children." I fell Ana tense a little at the thought of needing security for the babies, but it's the name of the game in the life that we lead. "Gail, We need to go over menus and adjust them to Ana's needs. If need be, I can bring on a nutritionist for the duration on the pregnancy." I can't see her, but I am sure Ana is rolling her eyes at my last statement. "I think that's everything right now. Is there any questions?"

They all shake their head in the negative, but I know Taylor will want to take more about the security aspect when we are in private.

After they offer their congratulations, they leave the room, leaving just the two of us... or I should say the four of us. Ana moves on my laps so she can curl up in my arms.

"I love you." She mummers sleepily into my chest.

"I love you, too. Sleepy?" I ask.

"Yeah, I think the excitement of the day has wore me out. Come to think of it, I have been a little tired lately. I should have know something was up. My breast are tender, and what I thought was a bout of the stomach bug a few days ago was really just side effects of the pregnancy."

That surprises me because this is the first time I am hearing about any of this. "Why haven't you told me you haven't been feeing well?"

"Because I thought all it was was a little stomach bug, nothing you needed to worry about."

"I always worry about you."

"I know. The remainder of this pregnancy should be fun." She says sarcastically, teasing me.

"You are just racking up the punishment today, Mrs. Grey." I give her a soft pinch on the ass that causes her to jump and squeal.

"No punishments, I'm with child...er, children now Mr. Grey."

"Nope, perfectly fine to spank that hot little ass of yours." I say, and she wiggles said ass on my rapidly hardening dick.

"I have been rather bad today." She moans.

"Well, then, I think we should get started on these punishments, Mrs. Grey."

* * *

 **Two for the price of one! I hope that y'all enjoyed this chapter.**

Sorry for any mistakes.


	8. Chapter 8

"Baby, what are you doing? Everyone will be here in a hour." Christian walks into the bathroom where I am standing in front of the mirror in nothing but my bra and underwear.

"Does it look like I've gotten even bigger?" I ask, still looking at myself in the mirror, and rubbing my protruding belly.

I hear him snort "Yeah, um, I'm not answering that."

'What? Why? It's a simple question."

"It's a trick question, and I learned my lesson two weeks ago."

I know what he is referring to, and I still feel bad about that. It was a very emotional day for me. (I seem to have a lot of those lately.) I was having a hard day at work. Nothing was going as planned. When I got home that evening and Christian and I were showering, he made the grave mistake of mentioning that I was getting 'big'. Yeah, that didn't end well for my poor Fifty. I cried, I shouted, and then stomped away, leaving him in the shower alone... only for my mood to swing the opposite direction 5 minutes later when I found myself sobbing in his lap, begging for forgiveness for being such a bitch to him.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when Christian wraps his arms around me from behind and lays his hands on my belly. He does that a lot. Like he still can't believe that were going to be parents.

"How are you feeling today?" He asks.

My morning sickness is starting to get better. It was really bad for a while. I know it freaked Christian out, but he never said a word. He just made sure Gail kept the pantry stocked with ginger ale and crackers. Not to mention he never failed to hold my hair and get me cool cloths if I got sick when he was around.

"I'm good right now. I just hope nothing sets it off while our family is here. At least not until we are able to announce the pregnancy to everyone."

"Maybe not." He mumbles into my hair.

"It's crazy that I'm already showing this much and I'm only a little over 12 weeks. Mia or Kate never showed this early." I'm glad that we are sharing the news today because it is getting close to impossible to hide my growing belly. Loose and flowing tops can only hide so much for so long. I've started getting questioning stares at the office.

"Yeah, and Mia nor Kate had man that could plant two in one shot!" He steps back and playfully puffs out his chest.

"So cocky" I mock scold him.

"In more ways than one, baby." He winks at me and saunters back out of the bathroom.

* * *

The family is all here. Everyone that we love is here to share in our joy even if they don't know it yet. The only person that isn't here is my mom. I called to ask if she would like to come out for a visit, but she couldn't because Bob had a work function that she wanted to attend with him. I wasn't really looking for her to come anyway. Christian and I will just call her with the news tomorrow. I didn't let on to Christian that it hurt me, but it does a little. Now that I am going to be a mother, I know I would jump at every opportunity to spend time with my children.

"Why so serious, Ana Banana?" Elliot asks when he sits beside me on the couch. He has a beer in his hand, and the smell is making my stomach roll.

I had to find a quiet place to sit for a minute. My emotions almost got he best of me when I saw Christian playing with Ava. I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, so I slid, unnoticed, away from the crowd.

"Sorry, I just let my mind drift a little." I say, and try to swallow back the saliva building in my mouth. "Um, I need to go, um, ch-check on the food." I tell him. I go to get up, but he slings his arm around my shoulder.

"Gail just told me that the food was going to be ready in about 20 minutes. And I heard her tell Mom that she had everything set when mom asked if she needed any help." Shit! There goes that escape plan. Gail offered to cook or today since I am still very sensitive to certain smells. That woman has been a God send these past few weeks.

"Oh- Okay." Another strong smell of the beer hits my nose, and it is taking all I have not to barf in Elliot's lap.

"I need your help." He whispers.

"Get back to me in a little while. I need to use the ladies room." I tell him. I need to get to a bathroom. Where in the hell is my husband when I need his help?

"It will only take a second." He says and pulls a small jewelry box out of his pocket. "I need you to hide this at your house until Kate's birthday. I can't have it at my house because she-." He looks back up to my face and pauses. "Are you okay, Ana Banana? You look pale."

"I'm fine" I swallow again. "I just need to use the restroom." I repeat.

"Let me go get Christian." The concern on his face tell me that I really don't look well. I know I don't! I am about to blow chunks if he doesn't let me up. I go to get up, but he places him hand on my stomach and push me back down. "What the fuck?" I hear him mumble under his breath as his eyes narrow on my midsection..

"Shhhh! Don't say a word! That's the reason everyone is here today."

"I won't say a word!" He promises with a big smile on his face.

"Thank you. Now would you mind letting me up pretty please. The smell of your beer isn't doing nice things for my stomach."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry about that." He jumps off the couch and offers me his hand to help me up. _Grace raised her boys right._

I start to walk towards the bathroom that is just around the corner and only make it two steps before I hear Elliot yell, "Christian! Ana Banana needs you!"

"Elliot! I thought you agreed to zip it?!" I panic slightly.

"What? I didn't say anything about the -" He pauses and points to my stomach.

I roll my eyes, and turn to finish my trek to the bathroom, when Christian comes barreling around the corner.

"What's wrong?" He asks and I can see the fear written all over his beautiful face.

"I'll tell you what's wrong," Elliot speaks up I a hushed whisper, "My little sis here needs some assistance to the ladies room. You helped in the bedroom, it's only fair that you help in the bathroom as well."

Christian narrows his eyes at me and then swings his gaze over to his brother. "You know?"

"Know what?" Elliot gives him an innocent look.

"I know what you know!" Christian retorts.

"I know that you know what I know." Elliot shoots Christian and cheeky smile.

"Dear Heavens! I'm leaving." I leave the two brothers, so I can go splash some cold water on my face. Thankfully my queasy stomach has eased off now that I'm no long close enough to smell the beer.

* * *

By the time we are all seated at the table, I am about to vibrate out of my seat with all the excitement I have coursing through my body. Christian and I decided that the best time to share our news with everyone would be while we are enjoying dessert. My eyes keep flickering around the table, taking our family in. By this time next year, we will have three extra family members. I wonder if Kate and Elliot have found out what they're having?

Christian and I talked about whether or not we want to find out the sex of the babies. It's still up for debate. He and I are both planners, so we will probably end up finding out anyway. But these babies do like to keep throwing surprises at their parents, so why ruin their track record?

Like she was reading my thoughts, Kate takes this moment to speak up. "Well, Eliot and I found out yesterday what we are having." She casts a nervous glace over at me. Last time a pregnancy related announcement was made, it sent me flying out the door in a panic. Not this time though.

I look over to see Mia and Grace's eyes darting to me as well, so to let them know I'm okay, I ask, "So spill! Don't leave us hanging! Am I having another niece or nephew?"

I see Kate exhale a breath of relief at my happy response. "Elliot are having another girl!" She exclaims.

While everyone talks excitedly about the addition of another girl to our family, I can't help but wonder if these two babies in my belly are going to be two girls, two boys, or one of each. With Kate's announcement, I know my curiosity is going to get the best of me and will never be able to hold out until they are born. I just hope Christian is on the same page. I would never be able to know and _not_ tell him. It wouldn't be intentionally, but in my excitement I would probably slip.

That is another thing, I have always hated shopping, but I am chomping at the bit to get to shop for my twins. How will I know if I need to get blue, pink, or both if I don't find out?

When Gail begins to serve the dessert, I can see some of our family members eyes go wide, and I know why. It's because in their dish is two large pecan sticky buns and a scoop of vanilla ice cream. One bun would have been plenty, but two buns is the theme in this Grey house.

"Wow! I don't know if I can eat all of that!" Ethan exclaims from his seat next to Mia.

"If you can't finish it, I'll take it." Kate says while rubbing her very pregnant belly.

"That's true" Elliot snorts, "Kate can put away some food."

Kate sends him a scathing look, and I hear Christian snicker beside me, "He just got his ass in deep shit."

"What do you mean, I can put away food? Are you calling me fat?"

"You would think with this being his third time around the block, he would have learned by now." Carrick says to Ray at the other end of the table, and Ray nods his head in agreement.

"No Katie girl, I'm just saying that you do such a good job taking care of our girls. You make sure they are well fed."

Kate says nothing more... However the glare she is sending him needs no words. Poor Elliot!

I'm so busy devouring my dessert, that I don't notice that Christian has stood until he clears his throat and reaches for my hand. When I stand to join him, I take a moment to steady myself. My heart is beating a million miles a minute, my palms are sweaty, and the excitement has my stomach in knots.

"I have to admit that Ana and I had ulterior motives for having you all here today. While we love to have any reason to spend time with our family, today is extra special. You all know that Ana and I have had to overcome a bit of a rough patch this past year. We are happy to say that with a lot of work, faith in each other, faith in our marriage, and love, we have come out the other side. We not only survived this, but we feel as though it has made our bond ,and our marriage even stronger." Christian finishes, and them turns to me, so that I can announce our news.

"And with all that said, we are even happier to announce that we are expecting!" I bounce slightly on my toes as I deliver the news. When I look up to Christian, my eyes begin to tear up at the love I see shining so clearly on his face. If anyone in our family had any doubt as to how Christian felt about the pregnancy, the look on his faces will put all of their fears to rest.

For the next ten minutes Christian and I are showered with congratulations, well wishes and hugs. Mia is the last one to get to me. When she reaches down to rub my belly, her eyes go wide, "Wow! How far along are you? Did you wait until you were five months to tell us?"

I shake my head and Christian answers for me. "She's only right at thirteen weeks."

Mia being Mia, pulls my shirt tight so she can get a good look at just how much I am showing. "You are showing a lot earlier than Kate and I did." She mumbles.

"That's because." I pause to make sure I still have everyone's attention, "Christian and I are having twins."

And that is when the room erupts into complete pandemonium. Grace, Mia, and Kate are crying. Ray and Carrick Shaking Christian's hand. Ava and Faith are cheering, even though they really have no clue as to what's going on. And, Elliot is telling anyone that will listen that his brother's boys can REALLY swim. _I freaking love our family._

Something in the doorway catches my eye, and I look over to see Taylor and Gail standing there. Taylor is wearing one of his rare smiles, while Gail wipes away a tear from her cheek. I give them both a smile before they retreat from the doorway.

I feel a touch in my shoulder and when I look, Grace I standing there. She takes me by the hand and pulls me over to the side so I can hear what she is about to say. And, judging by the emotions on her face, what she is about to say is going to be for my ears only.

"My darling Ana." She says as she takes my face in her hands. "I have never told you this, but the first time I met you in Christian's apartment, I left that day and sat in my car for a good five minutes before I could compose myself to drive. I prayed to any and everyone who would be listening that you would be able to open Christian's eyes and heart." She stops and takes a breath, "And then that night that he brought you to your first dinner at our home." She pauses and shakes her head, "That night after you left, Carry and I lay awake in bed talking about our hopes and fears for you and Christian and your budding relationship. We knew that in order to get through, to really get through to Christian, you would have to have a lot of determination."

"Grace," I whisper through the tears that are clogging my throat.

She shakes her head, letting me know that she isn't finished. "Then the night that we all thought we had lost him, the night of the Charlie Tango crash. That night was one of the most terrifying and happiest nights of my life. I was absolutely worried that we would never get him back, but at the same time I saw that you loved my son. That is the same love you still continue to give him. Thank you, Ana, thank you for loving him and believing in him when so many would have just given up. We never thought we would see him happy, in love, married, and now we get to see him become a father." She pulls me it a hug and holds on until Christian walks up to us. She lets me go, and pulls him into a hug. I hear her quietly tell him how proud she is of him.

"Are you habing sisters or bwothers?" Ava's innocent question makes those who heard her laugh.

"Well, we don't know yet, Sweetie." I inform her as I run my fingers through her silky blonde hair.

"I'm crossing my fingers for two girls." Elliot grins at Christian. "You know God has a way of punishing men for their past sins." I feel my husband tense at his brothers joke.

"I swear you would think we didn't raise that boy right." Carrick grumbles to Grace.

"I could personally go for two boys." Ray chimes in. "As much as I absolutely loved raising my Annie, she wasn't much of a fisherman. I would love to have a couple of grandsons to pass on my knowledge to."

"What?" I ask pretending to be offended. " I was an excellent fisherman."

Ray chuckles, "Has my Annie ever told you about our few... very few fishing trips? About how she wouldn't bait her own hook, she wouldn't take the fish off the hook, and she cried each time I caught a fish and didn't release it back to it's 'family'. I knew if I wanted fish for dinner, not to take Annie fishing with me that day."

By the time Ray is finished with his stories of my fails at fishing, everyone in the room is laughing... including me.

"We need to get everyone together for a trip out to Aspen before the babies get here. That way the men can fish and the women can shop." Mia suggest.

Everyone agrees with Mia. It's a great idea. We haven't been out there in about a year. A few years ago, Christian had a few rooms added to the house. Our extended family was growing so fast, if we didn't add on, we couldn't get everyone out there like we wanted.

Whenever I think of Aspen, I always go back in my mind to the first time Christian took me there. How he surprised me with not only the trip, but also bringing in Kate, Elliot, Mia, and Ethan. It seems like yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time.

* * *

"Well, the cat's out of the bag, Mrs. Grey." Christian says, as walks into the bedroom.

Today has been filled with so much joy. The excitement wore off once everyone left, and the exhaustion set in. Christian had a little work to do in his office, so I decided to call it a day. Nothing better than cuddling up in a nice warm bed with a good book. Well, almost nothing... I could always go for a little naughty cuddling in bed with my sexy husband.

"That it is Mr. Grey." I look up to see him carrying a plate in his hand. "What do you have there?"

"I've brought you a little snack before you fall asleep. I also brought you some milk." He holds up the glass that he has in his other hand.

He sits the plate and glass on his side table, and watch as he walks to the bathroom. His ass in those pants looks so good. I'm thinking I would rather take a bite out of that instead of the apples and peanut butter he has on the plate.

A few minutes later he emerges out of the bathroom wearing nothing.. even his boxers are gone. My mouth goes dry, and my belly flops at the sight of him.

"You expect me to be able to concentrate on this snack when you come to bed like that. You know my poor hormones are raging, right?" Holy cow, his body is even more magnificent now that it was when we first met. I don't even know how that's even possible because he was perfect back then.

"Oh, Anastasia," He is on all fours and is crawling up the bed towards me like a large, graceful cat. "I plan on feeding you your snack, and then I plan on eating. And I have to tell you, Baby... I. Am. Fucking. Starving."

 _Well, okay then!  
_

* * *

 _ **Hope y'all enjoyed the announcement!**_

 _ **Sorry for any mistakes I was unable to catch.**  
_


	9. Chapter 9

**Ana's POV**

"What's on your agenda today?" Christian asks me as we sit at the breakfast bar.

"I need to go shopping." It was official this morning, I have out grown all of my clothes. While it isn't work attire, I am wearing a long maxie dress today. Good thing I'm the boss and can't get in trouble for violating my company's dress code.

When I look up from my plate, I see Christian's face twisted in concern. " I wont be able to go with you today. I have meetings back to back all day long. Can you wait until this weekend?"

"I can but, Christian, you don't have to go with me. I'm sure I can go and pick out a few maternity outfits. You know I hate shopping, so I'm only going to buy enough to get me by and the rest I am buying online."

"I'll just have our personal shopper send some over. Choose what you want and then send the rest back."

"I kind of want to do it myself. I feel like it a right of passage or something." I shyly shrug my shoulders, unsure if he'll think me wanting to do this is stupid.

He gives me a understanding smile, "Okay, Baby, just make sure you have Sawyer with you and do not leave his side." He instructs as he stands to put his breakfast dishes in the sink.

"I know, I know! I'll just make him turn around and promise not to peek while I try on my clothes." I giggle when I hear his growl of disapproval.

"Not funny, Anastasia Rose Grey!" He smacks me on my ass lightly as I walk past him. "No man sees what's mine. You'll do well to remember that." He scolds playfully. And while I know he's being playful, I also know the words he spoke were very much the truth. If it's possible the man is even more possessive alpha than he was when we first married.

"I'll call Mia and see if see would like to go with me."

He gives me an 'are you serious' look. "You do realize that by asking Mia to go shopping with you, you are asking for trouble, right?"

"Yes, but, she and Kate also know what I'll need. Thankfully Kate is out of town this week, or I would be dealing with both of them instead of just the one." Just as I finish talking, Sawyer and Taylor walk in, letting us know that it's time to go.

"Sawyer, Anastasia needs to purchase some clothing today. You know that the paparazzi already suspect the pregnancy, so they are probably going to be extra eager to get the first shots, so be extra cautious today."

Of course Sawyer already knows this, but he just keeps a stern face and responds with a simple nod of his head and 'Sir'.

* * *

Since today is a rare slow day for me at Gray Publishing, it didn't take me long to finish what I needed to do. After sending Hannah a message, letting her know I'm leaving soon, I call Mia.

"Hey, sweet sister-in-law of mine!" She answers in her ever energetic way.

"Hey, Mia! Are you busy today?"

"Not too busy for you. What's up?" She asks.

"Well, it seems like all of the clothes in my closet are shrinking. I need to go shopping for a few maternity outfits."

"Oh my!" She squeals, "of course I will go with you!"

"Before you get too excited, I only need a few things to get me by, the rest I'm buying online."

"Fine, fine!" She pouts.

An hour later I met Mia on the sidewalk outside of the store. "Look at my babies!" She says as she frames my belly with her hands. If there are any paps around, I'm sure that picture will make them a pretty penny.

"Yeah, they are growing fast. Hence the reason I need new clothes." I tell her as I wrap her in a hug.

"Well, lets get this show on the road then!" She tugs my hand and I follow her in the store. Glancing over at Sawyer, I see he just is hiding a smirk. By now, he is used to Mia's excited personality, but like everyone else, he finds her amusing.

We've been shopping for a while. I have four pair of work slacks, two pair of jeans, and numerous shirts. I say I'm done, but Mia insist I need more. After me basically begging and pleading with her to let me be done, I finally gain the upper hand by agreeing to go with her to look at lingerie.

"Oh, look, Ana! My brother will love this little number." Mia wiggles her eyebrows as she holds up a light blue lacy number.

I scoff, "I can't wear anything that sexy right now!" I give her a sly smile and say, "besides, I don't need something like that for Christian, he already can't keep his hands off of me."

"Gross," She fake gags, "There are some things I don't need to hear about my brother."

"Hey, you started it." I tease.

"Oh, look at that!" Mia's attention is pulled away from the lingerie section when she spots a dress.

She takes off in the direction of the dress, and I hear Sawyer mutter behind me, "I swear she has the damn attention span of a gnat." Causing me to giggle.

"Come on Ana, I'm going to try this on and by the looks of this zipper, I'll need your help."

The individual dressing rooms are inside of a larger, closed off area. The actual dressing rooms are small though, so I stand outside of Mia's door until she needs my help. She and I are in the middle of talking about the new book coming out by one of our favorite authors when I hear it... The voice I haven't heard in years. The voice I could only hope I would never have to hear again.

"Well, isn't this sweet." Elena sneers from behind me. She must have been in a dressing room. I know Sawyer is standing just outside of the dressing area, so I know there is no way she would have gotten past him.

I turn to look at her, and I must say that I am completely stunned speechless for a second. That's because she looks different. The only way you would ever know it was Elena is because of her hair, eyes, and voice. She looks like a walking, talking poster of what happens when plastic surgery goes bad.

Without speaking to her, I quickly turn to knock on Mia's door. "Come on Mia, we need to leave. Now!"

"I know, I heard. I'm hurrying." I hear the slight panic in her voice.

"What's the rush? I just want to catch up with you girls. We're old friends who haven't seen each other in a while. This calls for a little chat." Her voice seems closer this time, but I don't dare turn back to her. I can feel my breathing speed up. I don't want her anywhere near me. My hands start to shake, and my palms are becoming sweaty. I could scream for Sawyer, but that would bring the attention of the entire store, and that's the last thing Christian and I need because this confrontation would be in the gossip rags before the hour is up.

Mia comes flying out of her dressing room, and grabs my hand. "Come on Ana."

With the sudden movement, and my nerve already being frazzled, I almost loose my balance. I tighten my grip on Mia to keep from falling, and cradle my belly with my other hand thinking I could protect the babies in case I do fall. Elena's eyes fall to where my hand is on my belly, and I see in her eyes the moment she realizes I'm pregnant.

She lets out an evil laugh, "Oh, you have got to be kidding me! You somehow convinced Christian to knock you up? Stupid, stupid boy. He knows he should never be a father."

I lose what little hold I had on my emotions. My husband has worked too hard to overcome his insecurities about being a father. I will not let her talk about him this way.

"You shut your damn mouth! You do not know my husband!" I sneer.

"Oh, I see you're still the same little naïve little girl." She steps closer to me, and Mia pulls me back, not letting her get too close. "You seemed to have forgotten that I've known your _husband_ for a long, _long_ time."

"Ana, come on!" Mia tugs on my hand again. "SAWYER! SAWYER COME QUICK!" Mia yells, not caring in the least about alerting the rest of the store.

It takes less than two seconds and Sawyer is barreling into the room. When he sees that I'm fine, he scans the area, trying to figure out the threat. The moment he sees Elena, "oh, fuck no!" falls from his lip. He rushes to me and propels me forward with his hand on my back.

Just as we are almost out of sight, I hear Elena call my name. And stupid me, I turn to her. She is sporting, or trying to sport a conniving smile. "I'm sure it wont be too much longer and Christian will be needing my services. Be sure to tell him that I have the perfect girl for him. Petite and brunette with a high tolerance for pain; just the way he likes them. Let him know my number hasn't changed. I'm sure he remembers it."

 _I want to throw up._

* * *

"Ana, don't listen to that shit she said back there!" Mia pleads with me as we get back to the house. After Elena pulled her mess, we left from the store without even purchasing the clothes I had picked out. We were supposed to go out to lunch after shopping, but I needed to go home. I just want to be home. I am trying to keep my calm on the outside, but inside I am seconds away from having a panic attack.

I know the things she said aren't true. I know Christian would never betray me or our marriage. I think the only reason I'm letting it bother me so bad is because it was _her_ saying it.

"I'm okay, Mia." I try to give her a convincing smile, but I know she isn't buying it. "I'm just going go lie down for a little while. Reynolds can drive you back to your car. I know you probably need to get home to your family." She agrees, and we say our goodbyes, I turn to make my way up to the bedroom.

"Ana, I'm going to call Taylor and inform him of what happened. You know he will tell Mr. Gray." Sawyer says.

"Do you have to?" I question even though I already know the answer. I just don't want Christian knowing the hurtful things she said about him.

He gives me a sad smile, "You know I have to, Ana."

"I know," I respond quietly before heading up the stairs.

I need to pee before lying down, so I bypass the bed and head to the bathroom. When I pull down my panties, something catches my eye. The sight of bright red against the stark white has me feeling light headed. NO! _This can't be happening!  
_

* * *

 **Christian's POV**

I'm pissed. Seriously fucking pissed. Taylor just pulled me out of a meeting and informed me of the situation with that bitch. I tried calling Ana, but she never picked up, so I called Sawyer and he informed me that she was in our bed, taking a nap. At least I know she's resting until I can get home. There is no way I'm staying at the office. I need to be with her. I just need to take a minute to calm myself, so I don't stress her out even more.

"How in the fuck did this happen, Taylor?" I ask him once I'm calmed down enough to talk. Knowing Ana is safe at home eases my mind a little.

"Sir, we believe Mrs. Lincoln was already in a dressing room, and went unnoticed until she approached Ana. Sawyer did check the dressing area when they first arrived at the store, but stood just outside as Ana and your sister changed, allowing them some privacy."

Fuck! I want to be pissed at Sawyer, but I can't. He has been by Ana's side for the last 6 years, and I know he did everything he was supposed to do in order to protect her. However, now the question is, what do I do about that bitch? If she thinks I've gone soft over the years and she is not going to get retribution, she has another fucking thing coming. I am going to show her what happens when you mess with a man's reason for breathing.

"I want you to pull up everything that Elena has been up to in the last few years since we have taken her off of our radar." I had men keeping tabs on her for a few years after Ana and I were married, but after so much time of nothing but radio silence from her, we stopped. Now I could kick my own ass for not continuing. "I need to know if today was planned on her part, or if it just happened to be some fucked up accident."

"I'll call Welch, and get him started on it." He says. He starts to say something else, but he's cut off by his phone ringing.

The longer he talks to whomever is on the phone, the more evident it becomes that something is wrong. What that something is, I cant tell by the one word answers on his end.

After ending the call, he turns to me with a pale face, "Mr. Gray, we need to go, now."

"What's happened?" The panic in my chest is rising with rapid speed.

"We need to get to the house. Gail has called an ambulance for Ana. She started bleeding-" Before he can finish, I am running for the elevators.

When I rush past Andrea, I don't even take the time to tell her to cancel all my meetings. I stab at the 'down' button for the elevator over and over again, knowing that it's not going to make the doors open any faster. Deciding that I don't want to wait any longer, I rush the stairs, descending them three at a time. I don't even have to look back to know that Taylor is hot on my heels.

As we rush through the thick Seattle traffic, all I can think about is my wife and our children. Children that Ana has longed for.. Children that I haven't even seen, but I know without a shadow of a doubt I love more than life. _I can not loose my_ _wife_! _I can not loose our children!_ I swear that if anything happens to any of them, I will kill Elena.

"What the fuck, Taylor, cant you go any fucking faster?!" I shout when he slows for yet another slow ass car. It seems like it's taking forever, but I know he is cutting the driving time in half.

When we pull into the driveway, I see the paramedics loading Ana into the back of the ambulance. I open the door and jump out at a full run before Taylor can stop the car.

"Ana!" I call out.

She turns her head towards me and I can see her eyes are red and puffy. She's been crying, and it kills me that I wasn't here for her.

"Chr-Christian." She sobs. "Th-the babies." The agony in her voice almost brings me to my knees.

I go to jump into the back of the ambulance only to be stopped by a paramedic. "I'm sorry, Sir, but you can't get in. We need room to work with the patient."

"That is my wife and children, I'm getting in the back of that ambulance whether you like it or not." I keep my eyes on Ana the whole time. Her scared eyes hold my gaze and I can see her mentally begging me to come to her. "Look, I promise to stay out of your way, I just need to get to my wife. She needs me," I plead.

"Fine, but you will need to sit on the bench, near her head." I can tell he's still hesitant, but he agrees.

I don't waste anymore time getting to Ana. When I sit down, she turns to me and it takes all the strength I have not to loose what little control I have on my emotions.

"What's happening? Did they tell you anything?" She asks.

"No, baby, they didn't tell me anything. Just lay back and rest." I give her a gentle kiss. He lips are swollen and soft from crying.

"I'm so sc-scared, Christian." Her chin wobbles as tears begin to stream down her face again.

"I'm here now. I have you, Ana. Are you hurting anywhere? Any cramping?" I question.

She shakes her head, "No. I went to use the bathroom, and that's when I saw the bl-blood."

"Shh, it's going to be okay, baby." _P_ _lease let it be okay_.

"I'm so sorry." She covers her face with her hands.

I pull her hands away, "Ana, baby, look at me." When I get her eyes, I tell her, "This is not your fault. You have done nothing but protect our babies."

"Do you know?" She asks, and I know she is talking about the shit that went down with Elena.

"Yes, I know." I tell her, and the rage that had dissipated starts to once again burn in my gut. The bitch is as good as dead...

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed chapter 9. I already have a good start on the next chapter, so I hope I have it out soon-ish.**

 **Sorry for any mistakes I didn't catch.**


	10. Chapter 10

**CPOV**

I'm pacing the floor beside Ana's hospital bed. Back and forth, back and forth. They have taken her back for tests, so now it's just a waiting game. _Waiting_. Waiting to see our lives are about to change forever. Ana's only 15 weeks along, so there is no way our babies would survive if they were born now. I turn in a rush when I hear the door open, thinking it's the nurse bringing Ana back, but it's not, it's my mom.

"Honey." That's all she says, but that one would holds a world of emotions. "I just talked to the on-call doctor."

"And?" I urge her to continue. She shakes her head and my heart sinks for what feel like the hundredth time today. "Wh-what?" My voice hitches on the word.

"Oh, honey, no. I don't have any news yet. I'm sorry that I made you think otherwise. They are still running test. She should be back in the room at any moment now though. That means you need to take a deep breath and be ready. I know you're scared and hurting too, but Ana is going to need you to be her rock."

Taking a deep breath and running my hands through my hair, I look to my mother. " I can do that." I assure her.

She gives the same gentle smile she's given me since I was 4, "I know you can. You are one of the strongest people I know." She places her hands on each side of my face so she can have my undivided attention. "Ana is a very strong person, too. No matter what happens today, Christian, I know you and Ana will pull through."

I nod my head, but all I can do is pray that she is right. If Ana and I do lose the babies, I just hope we don't lose ourselves as well.

* * *

They finally brought Ana back to the room about an hour ago. When they did, the nurse informed us that he lab was backed up, so the blood results may take a little longer to get back. I offered to pay to have the results rushed, but it didn't work.

It didn't take Ana long to crash when they brought her back in. Today has been one hell of a day for her. Between her encounter with Elena and the bleeding, I'm sure she is emotionally drained.

Thinking of Elena has my blood pressure rising again. I need to slip out while Ana is resting and talk to Taylor to see if he has found out anything yet.

"Mom, can you sit here with Ana while I step out to make a few calls and speak with Taylor? If she wakes or the doctor comes in, call me and I will rush back."

"Sure, Honey." She agrees.

"I won't leave this floor." I promise, still reluctant on leaving Ana.

"Go do what you need to do, Christian." I nod and head for the door.

Just before the door to the room closes, I hear my mom call my name. When I turn to look at her, I see something that I have never seen in her eyes. Pure Rage. "Make sure that bitch pays."

"Done."

I step out into hall and see Taylor leaning against the wall opposite the room. "Let's go somewhere we can talk."

"Yes, Sir. I've already spoken to the director, and he is allowing us use of the conference room on this floor."

As we turn a few corners, the unease of being away from Ana increases. I don't want to be so far away, but there is no where else for us to talk in private. I sure as hell don't want anyone overhearing what may be said.

"Any news? Was Elena's run in with Ana intentional or was it an accident?" I ask as soon as the door closes.

"I am pretty sure it was just a coincidence and she was there. Nothing that we have found leads us to think otherwise. We are still checking on a few things, but it's nothing concerning you or Ana."

"Is this something that you're looking into something we could use against her?"

"If what we suspect is true, yes." He answers, vaguely.

"And that is?"

"Tax evasion."

"Is that going to be enough? I want to bury her, Taylor!" I say while running both hands through my hair in frustration.

"Sir, as of right now that is all we have on her. Keep in mind that we have only been digging a few hours. I'm sure as more time passes, the deeper we dig, the more we'll find."

"Right." I know he's right. For them to find what they have already in just a few hours proves that I have the best team in place. "Good work, Taylor. Keep on top of that. I'm going to go back to see if my wife is awake."

I want Elena to go down, and if this is the only way short of murder I can see this happen, I'll take it. But I want more. I need more on her. I don't want that bitch to ever breathe fresh air again.

When I walk back into Ana's room I see she is just starting to stir. Her eyes blink open and she smiles a sleepy smile when she sees me. It doesn't take her long to realize where she's at and I see the smile drop from her beautiful face.

"Hey, Baby." I kiss her lips. Lips that are still puffy and soft from crying. "How are you feeling? Still no cramping or anything?

"I'm feeling fine. Just worried. Any news?" She asks. Her voice is low and weak. And that fucking kills me.

"Not ye-" I begin to say when the doctor walks through the door with a nurse on his heels.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grey, sorry to keep you waiting. I know you both are ready for some results."

Ana scoots up on the bed and I sit down beside her, clinching her hand in mine. I hear the soft thump of the door closing and notice that my mom must have slipped out to give us privacy.

"Mrs. Grey, your blood work looks perfect. I see no problems with it at all." He says and I feel a little of the tension leave my body. "Your blood pressure is a little elevated, but that is understandable in this situation. Worry and stress and cause an elevated blood pressure. After the exam and testing, I see no signs of a miscarriage. Both babies look healthy and have nice, strong heartbeats. You seem to have a very healthy pregnancy."

"What's causing the bleeding then? Is it my blood pressure?" She asks. I swear if he says yes, I'm going to find Elena and kill her with my bare hands.

"No, my best guess is you have a ruptured blood vessel on your cervix."

"Is that dangerous to her or the babies?" I ask.

"Not at all. It's actually more common than people realize. With pregnancy, you have an increased blood flow. That in combination with the stretching and growing, it can cause the blood vessels to rupture. This is something that could happen again, or you could go the rest of your pregnancy and have it never happen again." He explains.

I feel like the weight of the world has just been lifted off my shoulders. I look to Ana and see a blinding smile lighting up her face.

"I'm not going to put you on strict bed rest, but I do want you to take it easy for the next few days, and follow up with Dr. Greene first thing next week. I think your blood pressure should start improving soon since the stress of not knowing is gone. I will have you nurse check it again before you leave just to be sure it's coming down. Other than that, we should have you two out of here in a little while."

* * *

 **APOV**

After the doctor and his nurse leave the room, I look to Christian and see his eyes are closed. "Christian, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm so relieved, Ana. So fucking relieved. You and our babies are fine." He leans over and tucks his face in the crook of my neck, showing vulnerability that he used to never let show.

"I know." Are the only two words I can get out because the ball of emotion that is clogging my throat is choking me.

We lie cocooned in each other for a long while. There is a soft knock at the door, and Grace pops her head in. I wave her in, "You can come in, Grace."

"I just spoke with your nurse and she said they are releasing you." She says as she enters the room.

"Did they tell you the results?" Christian asks his mother.

She shakes her head, "No, that is something that should be shared by you and Ana. If you choose to, that is."

"Everything is perfect, Grace. Well, except for my blood pressure, but they think the stress from today is the cause for the slight elevation. Other than that, the babies and I are healthy."

"Best news I've heard all day," she declares with tears glistening in her eyes.

It's not long before the nurse comes back in. She checks my blood pressure again and tells us that it has came down, and is now back in the normal range. "You are ready to go home!" She announces. "Let me go get the paperwork and wheelchair, and we'll have you out of here in no time."

"Oh, um, I don't need a wheelchair. I'm fine to walk."

"No." Christian states with finality. Like his word is law. 'Some things never change', I think as I roll my eyes. I know he catches the eye roll when I see him raise an eyebrow and smirk.

"Sorry, Mrs. Grey, but it's hospital policy." The nurse says, sending a nervous glace Christian's way.

"See?" Christian smiles victoriously.

"Okay, I guess I'll be riding down in a wheelchair then. You will have to excuse my dear husband and his cave man like behavior." I tell the nurse, who looks like she is afraid if she says the wrong thing, Christian will bite her head off.

It doesn't take long and I am being wheeled out the back entrance due to there being so many paparazzi out front where the usual drop off/pick up area is located. Word got out that an ambulance was seen leaving the Grey residence and it's didn't take long for the vultures to start swarming the hospital. I still don't see what they find so fascinating about our lives. Having money doesn't make you any more interesting than the next person. These days, Christian and I live a very quiet and content life. That's the way we like it.

* * *

When we arrive home, Gail is waiting to take our things. She has a relieved smile on her face, so Taylor must have informed her of the good news before we got home. "Ana, are you hungry? I've made some soup for you."

"Yes, I am. I'll be in the kitchen to eat after I've had a shower." I reach out and squeeze her hand, silently thanking her for all of her help earlier today. I couldn't even function when I saw the blood. I don't know what I would have done if not for Gail's help. I'll have to find a moment to verbally thank her soon.

"No." Christian says, and it seems to be his favorite word today. "Give us about an hour and I will be back down to get our soup. Ana and I are going to eat in our room."

Gail smiles, nods and leaves us, heading in the direction Taylor went when we walked in.

Before I know it, I'm being lifted into Christian's arms. "What are you doing?"

"Carrying you." He states the obvious.

"I can walk, Christian. The doctor said just to take it easy, remember?"

"Yes, I remember. So just relax and take it easy in my arms."

"Christ-" I begin to say, but he cuts me off.

"Give me this, Ana. I have been going out of my mind today. I just need the comfort of you and our children in my arms right now. Give me this, yeah?"

"Yeah, Christian." I agree and lay my head on his shoulder as he carries me up the stairs and into our bathroom. There he proceeds to undress me and himself. The shower we take is quick since there is none of our usual shower entertainment. However, when Christian bathes me, he does it with the upmost care, and he takes extra time on my the area that holds our children.

* * *

"We need to talk about what happened this morning." I tell him as we sit, propped up in our bed, eating Gail's chicken noodle soup.

Christian doesn't say anything for the longest. For a minute I'm not sure if he is going to say anything at all. He leans over to sit his now empty bowl on his side table and then turns back to look at me.

"Not today."

"We need to get it out in the open, Christian. I don't want this... _her_ hanging over our heads."

"Not today, Anastasia. You need to rest. You do not need the stress that will be brought on by talking about her. I'm not saying we won't ever talk about it, I'm just saying we won't talk about it today."

"You know, you've been extra bossy today."

"Yeah?" He questions with a sly smirk playing on his lips.

"Yeah!"

"It's not me being bossy Anastasia; it's me looking out for what I feel is in your and the children's best interest."

"Okay, Fifty" I raise my hand to my mouth and speak through a yawn.

"Still sleepy?" He questions

"A little."

"Scoot down in the bed, and we'll take a nap." He states, already trying to adjust our pillows.

I look to the clock and see that it's already after 7 in the evening. "If I go to sleep now, I'll be wide awake at 1 in the morning."

"So we'll be wide awake at 1 in the morning. Who gives a shit?"

"I do. Even though I'm taking a few days off of work, you still have to work. I don't want you to be tired tomorrow."

"First, you aren't taking just a few days off of work. You need to take longer than just a few days." He places his finger over my lips when he sees that I'm about to argue that statement. "And, no, we are not discussing that right now either because I know you are bound to get pissed when I say what I have to say. Second, I'm not going in tomorrow. I'm taking a few days off to be here for you. After today, I don't want you out of my sight."

"I'm just going to go to sleep before I give into the urge to hurt you!" I try to sound mean and intimidating, but something tells me I don't succeed when he all out laughs in my face.

"What are you going to do, pinch me?"

I let out a small giggle, "I'm tougher than that."

He gets a somber look on his face, "Yeah, you are, baby. Toughest person I know."

I drift off to sleep with Christian's lip pressed against my forehead and his hand making slow, lazy circles on my back.

* * *

I slowly come awake and reach out for Christian, only to find he isn't in bed. Judging by the cold sheets on his side of the bed, he's been up for a while. Looking to the side table, I see the display on the clock reads 2:34 a.m.

I get up and slide on my robe. I need to go find him. I pray that todays, or I should say, yesterdays events are not bothering him too bad. For a second, I contemplate calling Flynn, but I don't. For one, I don't really know what's dragged my husband out of bed in the middle of the night. And, two, it is the middle of the night. Not sure Flynn needs an unnecessary wake-up call this early.

There are no lights on, on the main floor of the house except for the light we leave on over the stove. I go to check if maybe he is up having a snack, but when I get to the kitchen, there is no one there. My next stop is our home gym, but all is quiet in there as well. When I get to the short hall leading to our offices, I see that his office door is slightly ajar, and there is light spilling from the crack.

I put my hand to the door to push it open, but I stop when I hear what sounds like Christian slamming his hand against his desk. I stand there for a second debating is I should turn around and leave, or go in.

"Do whatever you need to do, Welch! I want that bitch to pay. She needs to go down by any means necessary, so I need my team working around the clock. Tax evasion will only get her so many years away. I need her gone a fuck of a lot longer than that." I hear Christian boom. I know I shouldn't be ease dropping, but my feet are stuck in place. Guess now I know what's bothering him.

When my feet finally come unstuck, I turn and make my way back up to our room. I'll tell him in the morning that I overheard him, but for now, I'll let him deal with it the way he needs to. With control.

* * *

 _*Please excuse any mistakes I was unable to catch._


End file.
